A Big Ol' Love-in

H. is just learning about love. And it's adorable when he turns to me out of nowhere and says "Momma, I love you lots" (which he says often)... but with that, he also loves lots of other things too.

Over the last week or so, this is a short list of things he has told me he loves:
- monkeys
- lions
- tigers
- Uncle Scott and Katiesue
- when pigs say "wank wank wank" to him
- his blanket
- chips (chippies, as he calls them)
- Jesus (yeah, I'm serious)
- ladies
- himself (my mom and I heard an exclamation of "I love me" from the backseat of the car one day)
- Blue's Clues
- Toby and James (two of his favourite trains)
- His friend Staci (who is actually his aunt, but don't bother trying to correct him)
- both Daddy and Momma
- Gramma
- Gramma's red car


So, he is definitely full of love. For lots of random things. But it's cute!

Diaper Free!

That's right... my little boy is potty trained!

I'd like to say it was a harrowing and long journey... but I finally believe it when people say "they'll do it when they are ready". H, no joke, was completely trained in about, oh, a day. We bought him underwear, put him in it one Sunday, and by Tuesday he had no accidents. And we still haven't, 2 months later!

And, he is completely night trained too! All of a sudden, once he was going to the toilet during the day, his diapers were dry at night too! So, for about 2 weeks, he's been in just underwear under his jammies, or even (like tonight) with nothing underneath his jammies!

He's also growing like a weed! He talks like there is no tomorrow... who am I to judge though? The world must be a pretty interesting place when you are 2 and half (!!!). He spent about 5 minutes at bedtime today telling me all about how his stuffed monkey had a penis-tail. And then tried to convince me that I didn't have a vagina, but rather a big penis (he was the one who specified size) and that I was sooo lucky!. He's a nut, is all I can say.

In other news, surrogacy related... it's a long journey. We had our first transfer on February 20th, 2012. Found out on March 6th that it wasn't successful. My blood test results should have been over 5, but they were 0.5.

No matter, we decided to try again! So, started cycling and meds and all that fun stuff, and transferred #2 on April 1st, 2012. I felt good about this one. I felt like it was the one that would work. Well, I go positive home tests starting at about 10 days past transfer, which is great! I went for my blood tests, and the first result was 15. A good, slightly low, but nonetheless positive, result. That was April 14th. Went for my second on April 17th, and the result should have doubled to at least 30 to be considered a viable pregnancy. Result was 2. Which means I was pregnant, and miscarried (although, that earlier, it's just called a chemical pregnancy, or spontaneous abortion).

A little bit sad, and I am sure just heartbreaking for my IP's. We only got the negative result on Wednesday, so we are still figuring out what will happen for the next transfer (they are adding a new med to my protocol, just haven't decided yet). They are going to try again, which is great. Just keep praying for good results for all this effort on their part!

And with that, I am done for today! Lots more to update, but not tonight.

Making a Family!

I never thought I would say this, but the day is finally here! Surrogacy transfer day!

This day has been a long time coming! It's been almost a year since I first touched base with the agency I am working with, and almost 4 months since I was matched with my IP's. Since the match, it's been conference calls and contracts and PILLS! (I don't think I have ever taken so many pills in my whole life). I started the birth control pills about 2 months ago (to regulate my cycle). About 3 weeks ago I stopped those, and did some blood work and ultrasounds. I then started Estrace (estrogen) to keep me from getting my period. I take those 3 times a day, 2 pills at a time. About 6 days ago I took a round of antibiotics (to avoid infection from the procedure... thankfully that was only 6 pills spread over 4 days!). And then, 4 days ago I started the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots. Yes, shots! As in needles. I take 2cc's once a day. I couldn't rope anyone into doing it for me, so I am lucky enough to be able to stick myself with needles once a day. These I will continue until my 12th week of pregnancy.

About 5 hours ago the doctor transferred 2 "beautiful" (his words!) embryos into me! I have a requisition for bloodwork to do in 2 weeks time. Until then, waiting ever so patiently.... which means I am going to wait probably 7 days before I start doing home pregnancy tests!

I also got to meet my IP's today. We had been emailing back and forth for the last few months (probably since early November). I got to meet them both, which was a really welcome surprise. They met with the doctor beforehand, who was really behind schedule), and were worried they had missed the transfer. It turns out they did not miss it at all, but both of them decided to wait outside the procedure room.

They ended up driving me to the train station after the procedure, so we got to chat and get to know each other. I was really worried that they wouldn't like me or something, but they seemed to be really happy (which is saying a lot as I was wearing a hospital gown, a hairnet, and paper booties when they first saw me). They both seem really hopeful and happy, so I hope everything works out, and this transfer is the one that takes, first try.

As of right now, I am on the train heading home. It's been a long day, and exhausting in that happy, fulfilled way. I know I say this a lot, but I promise to update this more regularly!

The Santa Debacle

It's getting into the holiday season (quite possibly my absolute least favourite time of year). Holden just turned two, so is naturally learning all about his world at an alarming pace. We go to church every Sunday, and he loves singing and playing with his friends. I'm not all together entirely confident in my faith, or fully "out there" as a Christian, but I am thinking about Christmas this year.

When I was growing up, Christmas was a huge deal, and I loved it, but I always wanted it to be about the real Christmas. Not all Santa and reindeer and presents (although I do love the idea of giving), and I am wondering how to treat Christmas this year, now that Holden will have some idea.

This week he spent a day with Grandma, and came home with a new movie, Wiggles Christmas. I wasn't too shocked about the fact that he had the movie, but I put it on for him, and decided as he was watching that this didn't need to be his idea of Christmas.

So, I decided then and there to ruin Santa for my little boy. And I told him all about the real Christmas. And I'm sure he listened to about 4 words I said, but that's besides the point. For the first time in a long time, I made a decision that will make me feel great as a person, and I hope turn my little boy into the adult I want him to be (giving and selfless and compassionate).

I decided that we will not be a household that makes Christmas about Santa. Sure, we will still go get pictures taken with the big guy in red, but he'll know Christmas for the real reasons, and not for getting presents.

The ups and downs of parenting...

Today has been a busy day in the life of H. Not for any particular reason, he has just been going non-stop all day.

Which is not normally an issue, except today was supposed to be my epic packing day. For the record, I move the day after tomorrow. And it's 5:30pm.

So, the business of toddlers got me thinking about what was my favourite stage thus far. And... I have no idea. So, I thought why not go through all I liked and disliked about each stage.

Newborn:

Pros: so easy to take anywhere (they just sleep). They are super snuggly.

Cons: So much crud needs to come with you (I never managed to pack a small diaper bag). Car seats are huge! No sleep.

Baby: (6 months- 1 year)

Pros: So fun to start to play with. Learning more, and more alert. They start to talk.

Cons: still so much crud. They cry louder. Teething!

Early Toddler: (1 year- 18 months)

Pros: So much fun to play with, now that they walk. You don't need to carry them absolutely everywhere. Forward-facing carseats mean you don't need to take the bucket seat everywhere! They start to talk.

Cons: Still teething. They get stubborn (or maybe that's just mine).

Big Babies: (18 months- 2 years)

Pros: They say the funniest things. They learn so quickly. You can easily take them anywhere (a diaper in your purse, and a toy and soother, and you're good).

Cons: They know more words than they say, so they can't express themselves as well as they want to, so they scream. They are still stubborn (again, maybe just mine). They stop napping, but still really need it. Walking is old news, and now want to be carried everywhere. You can easily pack up and take them anywhere... but you really can't take them anywhere.

Ok, so I have loved every stage for different reasons. They've all been good. But right now H. is hilarious. I love spending time with him.

I swear I'm still alive!

After a short hiatus from the blogging machine, I have decided that now is as good a time as ever to start blogging again. I'm back and better than ever.

I figured now was a good time to start because just about everything in my crazy life is changing!

To start, in just 3 short weeks, I will be moving. Little H. and I have found ourselves a very handy hole-in-the-ground (literally). The price is great, and the land lady seems very reasonable, and I am actually very excited.

Next, school is nearly done. With only 2 weeks left in class, and 4 in practical placement, we are in the home stretch! All the girls in my class are excited, and starting to admit they are nervous. (I admitted months ago that I was worrying).

Third, H. is almost 2. In about 6 weeks, he will turn 2, and I honestly have no idea where the time went. He is such a little man now, it's not even funny how much he has changed. He speaks in 3 or 4 word sentences for the most part, and has an astounding vocabulary. Although he is smart and articulate, he is a boy, and he is nearing his two's (As of right now, I feel like he is having a contest to see how far he can throw a truck across the living room... while wearing only a diaper and mismatched socks).

Now, there is really no time for a real update right now... it's Thanksgiving, and I have pies to make for my duck dinner with the boyfriend and his kids on Monday.

Right now, life is topsy-turvy, but it's starting to work out now!

New journey update!!

Just heard the word from my IPs (intended parents, the people I'm having the baby for), sperm sample being given tomorrow and the embryos are being made tomorrow morning. Around 9am spain time there will be tiny little people created, then shipped here! I am beyond over the moon that things are finally moving along!