New journey update!!

Just heard the word from my IPs (intended parents, the people I'm having the baby for), sperm sample being given tomorrow and the embryos are being made tomorrow morning. Around 9am spain time there will be tiny little people created, then shipped here! I am beyond over the moon that things are finally moving along!

Busy over here

Not busy blogging, of course. That would be too entertaining for you!

Busy making some pretty big choices. I wish I could give you more details, but I want to get all the kinks worked out, because there is still soooo much that could happen to make this fall through.

I'll update as soon as I can give more info, I promise!

The joy of toddlers

So far today (and it's just past 11:30 am), I have had to tell my toddler these things

"H., don't step on the kitty"
"Stop eating your book"
"No biting"
"Get out of my school-bag"
"Do not eat the pizza crust you found in the grass"
"Don't hit Momma with that DVD case"
"If you don't have a diaper on, you can't chase the kitty"

Maybe I'm not on the mend after all...

After my hysteroscopy on Friday, I felt fine (apparently, until about 8pm). Saturday was a little rough, and Sunday I faught exhaustion all day.

Well, Monday and today were write-offs. Yesterday I went to school, but was exhausted. I made an extra-strong coffee, and it had no effect whatsoever. I was trying so hard not to fall asleep in class and was trying to keep breakfast down all morning. I decided I was going to go to work and at least answer emails and do a quick clean.

That was a mistake. I had eaten lunch at it really wasn't sitting well at all. I did keep it down, but just barely. I ended up leaving early to go home and sleep. Sleep didn't come very easily as I was very sick feeling, and had started to experience some cramping.

This morning I got up feeling even worse than yesterday. I barely made it through the bus ride to school. I got there and tried to rest a little bit, but was feeling very warm. My friend came in and asked how I was doing, and then said I shouldn't have even come.

By the time my teacher got there, I was about the throw up, and I felt sick to my stomach. When she started her lecture, I ended up running out to be sick. I got back and my friend and I in whispers discussed what I should do. My teacher ended up in on the conversation, and said I really didn't look well and that, like it or not, I should be home resting. She also admitted that a fever was very worrisome, and that if it got worse or even stayed the same, I should see a doctor.

So, I came home and went right to bed. I slept for about 3 hours, which brought me to noon. After about 2 days of forcing myself to eat, I finally was actually hungry. I ate, and sat in the couch and watched a movie, curled up in a blanket.

At about 3 I was exhausted again, and went back to bed. I slept another two hours and am now just starting to feel better.

It's 5:30pm, so, almost exactly 4 days after my procedure. I'm still groggy feeling, and tire very easily. I'm sorry to admit that this knocked me on my ass. I'm usually a pretty bounce-back sort of person, and I think I took that for granted.

I think I may need to take the rest of the week easy... Which will be super challenging for me.

One step more closer!

Yup, that's right! I am one, hopefully final, step closer to the embryo transfer and being a surrogate.

I flew to Toronto yesterday to have a polyp removed. It was a crazy long day. We flew out at 6:45 am, and flew back at 8:00 pm, but the plane was late and it ended up being more like 8:20 or so (I was a little bit drugged so I don't really remember this).

Because I was getting sedative for the procedure, I needed to bring someone to accompany me. So, my dear British friend came. Because he lives closer to the airport than I do, I slept over at his house on Thursday night. I got there around 9 pm, and we talked and watched a movie. We went to bed around midnight, and were up at 5am.

We took a taxi to the airport, and checked in. We hung out in the Porter lounge until it was time to board, so we updated facebook.

Flying wasn't too bad. There was no turbulence, and it was a nice clear day. We landed and decided to have a coffee near the clinic before we went in. So we sat at a Starbucks in the middle of the Business district, had our coffee, and decided it was still really early, so we could take a wander throughout Bay street.

We walked a few blocks to a great mall, and wandered through there. They had a great big LCBO we walked through, and would have shopped in, but we couldn't take any liquids on the plane. We also found a great book place, and both bought a few great books.

It was then time for The Appointment. We headed over to the clinic, checked in, and picked our recovery room. I got changed and then we sat and waited. A nurse came and gave me some papers to sign, then we waited. My vitals were taken, and we waited some more. Shortly before my appointment time, the vitals nurse attempted to put an IV in. Unsuccessfully and very painfully. She got another nurse to come in, and the brute got it in, but it hurt about as much as it possibly could. So, my saline drip was started to keep me hydrated because I couldn't drink anything.

And then we waited. And waited. And I slept. And we waited. And then we watched some Top Gear. And I slept. And we waited.

About 3 hours later, there was no one else, and it was finally my turn. Here is where it all gets a little fuzzy. I was getting a narcotic for pain, as well as a sedative, in my IV. From the procure I remember the nurse telling me to breath, and then making a conscious effort to continue breathing.

And after that there isn't much. This was about 4pm. I remember going to the Eatons Center, and there were birds on the ceiling. And I remember getting on the plane, but not flying.

This is what I have pieced together (and how);
- we ate at some point (I found a half eaten burger and fries in a plastic container in my bag)

- I went shopping at victoria's secret (I found the items in my bag... Which was a very weird thing to discover)

- I wasn't feeling well at all apparently (I woke up in British Guys bed. I don't remember the flight or the bus to his house)

- I found this text in my phone "ha I dreamed about strawberries and cried but the tiger and I snuggled so I'm ok" (this makes more questions. It was sent right after the procedure)

All in all, an eventful day. Today is a little off. I feel groggy and sick. I've only just started eating (it's about 6:30 pm). I tried sleeping, and woke up feeling worse. I don't have any pain from the procedure, just some after-effects from the drugs. I feel better than I did this morning, so hopefully another good nights sleep will help again.

So, after all that, I am one step closer to surrogacy!

All the right reasons... Or not....

I've been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about why I decided to become a surrogate, and I have a few reasons, but I can't decide if they are the right reasons.

First off, when I was pregnant with H., I loved it. But the relationship I was involved in was not a healthy one. There was very little excitement about the baby, and lots of denial. I want to be pregnant more, but am not sure I want more kids. This was a way to figure out if another pregnancy (or 2 or 3, maybe) will make me feel finished with having kids.

I also want a pregnancy that is planned. I will admit that H. was not planned, and with me being so young, it was shocking. I want a situation where everyone is excited and looking forward and happy.

I also did well being pregnant, and with labour. I feel like it's one of the only things I do well, and I want to help another family. I want to give another family the joy that my little man brings me.

I know the last reason is the right reason, but I feel like the first two aren't?

Snuggle central over here...

I am a pretty snuggly person. In my mind, there is no emotion that can't be conveyed in a snuggle, and nothing a good cuddle can't solve.

Well, Mr. H. has slightly different ideas. They happen on his schedule, and only for as long as he wants.

Which leads to many issues. When I was just wrapping my head around the idea that I was going to be a mommy, I was so excited for the fact that I would have someone to snuggle for the rest of my life, no questions asked... Well, then I found out that I was having a boy. No big deal, I'd just have someone to snuggle for about 10 years or so.

And true enough, H. was a mighty snuggler... For the first few weeks, he couldn't sleep unless he was snuggled the whole time.

Lately, not so much. A few minutes a day. A few minutes before bed. He may sit on my lap for a few minutes while he watches a movie, or while we share a snack... But not nearly as much I want.

But, as I type this, he is all cuddled up in bed with me, looking cute as a button, and I realized something... I wouldn't change anything about him. If he was a snuggler, he wouldn't be the independent, fearless toddler he is. He wouldn't be friendly or personable. And when he does want snuggles (no matter how short) they are always special and beautiful and just what I want.

He may not be snuggly, but he's just what I imagined.