Sick little Bear :(

H. is sick. Incredibly so. It is so hard to watch him and know he is not himself, and probably pretty uncomfortable, and know I can't do anything to make him feel better.

For the last month or so, he has just been off. I ended up taking him to a walk-in clinic, where the doctor told me he had an ear infection. Ok, so Amoxilin, and a week later he was fine. We went for his 12 month immunizations (at 15 months, because I'm really good), and the doctor gave an all clear, and said his ears were good.

About a week later, the grumpy H. was back. But worse. He had a fever constantly for just over 2 days when we went back to the doctors' to see what was up. The nurse that saw him was not very friendly, to start things off, and H. had been there a little over a week before to get shots (which I'm sure he must have remembered). All this chalking up to a very uncooperative H.

He wouldn't let them take his temperature (she tried to tell me he didn't have a fever... to which I replied "touch him, feel how hot he is, and try and tell me he doesn't have a fever?"), he screamed when she tried to listen to his breathing, and tried to bite the tongue depressor when she tried to look in his throat. She then spent about 10 seconds looking in his ears, and decided both of them looked "a little pink", and were therefore just infected.

But that didn't seem right to me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, it's not like he had an ear infection less than 2 weeks before, right?

So, we tried the Amoxilin again, and it worked... for about 6 days of the 10 day prescription.

As of right now, for the past week, H. had been up almost the entire night with a horrible fever (he managed to let me check it a few times, and it was usually around 101.5). So, neither of us are sleeping, he is hot and uncomfortable at night, but completely fine during the day, and I feel like I am about to lose my mind.

Well, I can't take it anymore. We had a follow-up appointment for his ears tomorrow, but I called this morning to see if we could move it up to today, which, thankfully, they could. So, hopefully in a few hours we'll have a real diagnoses, and I can get my sweet little Bear back.

Hoping for the best!

Scrapbooking woes...

Ok, so here's the deal. I am not creative. At all. Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that... but the thing is, I really want to be good at artsy stuff!

Hence the scrapbook I started when H. was, oh, about 3 weeks old.

I have 4 pages. And not even good pages.

They are plain. Which I guess could be said captures the essence of me, sort of. I really wish I could do more. I wish I could do better.

But it makes a good story, I think.

Oh, the Wiggles

H. loves them. I am starting to love them. I have my favourite Wiggle, and my favourite song.

And then I decided that is terribly sad, and we needed some new movies.

And now we get to be regaled with Thomas the Tank Engine, Sesame Street, and Mighty Machines.

I can't wait until I can watch Disney Pixel movies with him!

Toddling Toddler

Well, I no longer have a baby. I have a walking, talking toddler.

Yes, H. is up and fully mobile. Sad day in my house.

Well, sort of.

He just gets cuter every day! I swear, he also must learn something new every day as well.

He is learning his farm animals, to my delight. He's so funny with them. He knows a cow says "moo", as well as, in his world, a horse, a giraffe, and a truck (?). He knows a sheep says "baa", and a kitty in his world says "ow", which is close enough to be right, and far enough away to be adorable!

The best part about him walking, though? I don't have to carry him everywhere.

We went to a museum yesterday, with a large segregated childrens museum, and it was so nice to let him walk around and let him explore on his own... even if he did go up and down the ramp on the shipping boat about, oh, 30 times. I think he had more fun too, than if he was just being carried to wherever I wanted to go, or see what I wanted him to see.

But I am learning that he picks up the craziest things. Like, we have a toy vaccuum, and I once watched him pick it up, and stand in one spot and push it back and forth... let's be honest, he didn't learn that from me! We have hardwood, and I don't even know if we have a real vaccuum!

Also, he knows how to use rollers to paint walls? We were at the children's museum, and there is a part about building, or something, and there are rollers, with paint trays (empty, of course) so kids can pretend to paint. Well, wouldn't you know, my kid did! Just moseyed on over and pick it right up, and straight to the wall with it! So smart! Funny, the last time I remember painting was a good 8 months ago? He was about 6 months old? And he remembers... or he saw someone else paint.

In any case, my little boy is a genius!

I know I say this a lot, but he gets cuter every day!

What would be easier...

I'm a single mom. But on top of that, I am also a full time student, and a 25 hour a week employee. It's hard, but I am managing.

Which would be fine, except for one thing. The Father. H.'s, that is.

Up until now, I am pretty sure I have not mentioned him. Actually, about 99% sure.

He's not part of the picture... well, he's kind of one of those weird orb things that lurks in the background of the picture. It was all a mistake. The relationship was not a healthy one for either of us, and even being pregnant and 19, I knew I needed him out of my life.

But he's back, and non of us are happy about it.

Which leads me to wonder... would it be easier without him, even if it meant H. grew up without a father? Even if it meant I have to teach him to throw a ball? (Which anyone who knows me will say is a BAD idea!)

I'm wondering... I'm already at the breaking down at work stage, at the losing sleep and eating junk food phase. Do I need ANOTHER worry on my plate?

I don't think so. I'm a good juggler, but The Father demands the utmost attention. Attention I can't give.

Everyone says single parenting is hard, but no one tells you that deciding who should be a part of your child's life is excruciating.

Someone's going to get hurt, and I really can't let that person be H.

I. Hate. Judgement.

Period. That's all. I hate it.

I get a daily parenting tip that come straight to my email, which are sometimes helpful, sometimes laughable, and like today, downright insensitive.

"What you child learns from your marriage".

Is it just me, or does that seem a little biased? Not every good parent is married, and not every marriage is a shining example to kids.

Did it touch on either of those points? No.

As a proudly single mother, I know that marriage is the social norm for raising kids... or it used to be. Things are shifting. Most people notice. At my work (a natural parenting boutique), all the employees say "partner" not "husband", since almost half of us are single or just dating.

Needless to say, I was not impressed with that "parenting tip". There were ways to make a good article on that point, and I must say, they failed miserably.

Well, what's one more judgement coming my way?

Happy Birthday!

Who is celebrating a birthday, you're probably wondering?

Well, WE ARE! My blog is one year and 9 days old. Seems like so long ago, and with any birthday of any kind, I always reminisce about the past year.

Lots has happened!

For one, H. went from a little boy who loved to throw up and sleep on me, to a little toddler who loves to sleep in my bed.

He has changed so much, but I also feel like everything in my life has changed. For the good, of course!

So, thank you all for a wonderful year, and I hope there are many more to go!