All the right reasons... Or not....

I've been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about why I decided to become a surrogate, and I have a few reasons, but I can't decide if they are the right reasons.

First off, when I was pregnant with H., I loved it. But the relationship I was involved in was not a healthy one. There was very little excitement about the baby, and lots of denial. I want to be pregnant more, but am not sure I want more kids. This was a way to figure out if another pregnancy (or 2 or 3, maybe) will make me feel finished with having kids.

I also want a pregnancy that is planned. I will admit that H. was not planned, and with me being so young, it was shocking. I want a situation where everyone is excited and looking forward and happy.

I also did well being pregnant, and with labour. I feel like it's one of the only things I do well, and I want to help another family. I want to give another family the joy that my little man brings me.

I know the last reason is the right reason, but I feel like the first two aren't?

Snuggle central over here...

I am a pretty snuggly person. In my mind, there is no emotion that can't be conveyed in a snuggle, and nothing a good cuddle can't solve.

Well, Mr. H. has slightly different ideas. They happen on his schedule, and only for as long as he wants.

Which leads to many issues. When I was just wrapping my head around the idea that I was going to be a mommy, I was so excited for the fact that I would have someone to snuggle for the rest of my life, no questions asked... Well, then I found out that I was having a boy. No big deal, I'd just have someone to snuggle for about 10 years or so.

And true enough, H. was a mighty snuggler... For the first few weeks, he couldn't sleep unless he was snuggled the whole time.

Lately, not so much. A few minutes a day. A few minutes before bed. He may sit on my lap for a few minutes while he watches a movie, or while we share a snack... But not nearly as much I want.

But, as I type this, he is all cuddled up in bed with me, looking cute as a button, and I realized something... I wouldn't change anything about him. If he was a snuggler, he wouldn't be the independent, fearless toddler he is. He wouldn't be friendly or personable. And when he does want snuggles (no matter how short) they are always special and beautiful and just what I want.

He may not be snuggly, but he's just what I imagined.

New Mommyhood Journey Update

I had my appointment in Toronto at the fertility clinic, and everything checked out well, but one thing.

I have a uterine polyp...which under normal circumstances is nothing to worry about, but in the case of a successful conception, it lowers the odds slightly.

That being said, there is a day surgery called a hysteroscopy, which will remove it. The doctor asked if I would be ok with it, and I was. So then the decision was up to the intended parents (IP's) if they would be ok with me doing it, and pushing the process back a little.

Well, I got the news today that they are! So, in two months instead of next month we will go for our embryo transfer!

I am so excited that we are leaping over these hurdles and things are finally coming together!

Ideally...

Anyone who knows me really well knows I come up with crazy plans, and I spend most of my free time daydreaming.

Well, embarking into a new relationship with a certain British Guy, I've found myself doing a lot of both lately.

For the most part, I daydream about what kind of marriage (I know, much too early to be thinking about it, if at all... but that's where my mind goes) we will have.

And here's the crazy thing... in my head, it's very traditional. Which is very not me. I don't do traditional things.

What got me thinking about this was me eating my snack at work. Cut and peeled fruit, a good variety, nicely packaged in a nice screw top ziploc container, just begging to be eaten.

How that relates to marriage is what you're wondering... Well, I want to be the kind of wife that makes the husbands lunch everyday, with sandwiches with cheese and lettuce cut into triangles, cut up veggies, the aforementioned fruit, and some homebaked treat. As well as making the balanced breakfast in the spotless kitchen with my apron before anyone else gets up.

Whether that happens or not, and whether said husband is British Guy or not, has yet to be decided, but in my head, that's what marriage looks like to me.

I guess time will tell...

Starting over again... sort of...

So, yes, in short, I am starting another pregnancy journey... but don't worry, it's not my baby.

I'll let you spend a minute figuring that out...

I have decided, with much careful consideration, to become a gestation surrogate. So, in a few weeks (hopefully) I will go through IVF and become pregnant with a baby that has none of my DNA, which I will carry and grow for a lovely Spanish couple who are unable to carry a child.

A lot of people disagree with my decision, but a few people I met through the surrogacy agency have been a huge help, and a new BFF of mine, A., has been fantastically supportive. I am so excited to give another family the joy that H. has brought to me and my family.

So, a whole new mommyhood adventure I'm embarking on, and I'm so excited to share it with you!

I don't think he really understood...

Well, in my defense it was shortly before 6am when we had the conversation... And he is not yet two...

I was listening to the news, and heard a story about a little boy who is not much older than H. who got out of the house, and drowned in the lake. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I hear stories like this too often.

Given how curious and independent and escape artist-like H. is, I worry about things like this. So, because it was 6am, and because he just looked so sweet and cooperative lying next to me in bed, I thought we would have a conversation.

So, I asked him not to ever go near water unless Momma was around, until he was much bigger... like, 20 or so.

His answer... "no wa-wa cup". Great.

Step up in the tech world..

So, here is a good test of my wits and abilities... Posting to my blog from my iPod. I have a handy blogging app, so we shall see how this goes...

So, it's been just under 2 months since my last post (I'm really good at keeping things regular)... Not much is new with the H-monster. He's still up to being a monster, albeit a very cute giggly one.

I'm still in school, and doing well, and between that and my new job, I spend much of my week away from home, but now can really look forward to the weekends with my monkey.

Other than that, there is little else to report on, but I will fill you in slowly on the few things that have happened in the last 8 weeks.

And hey, if this blog app is as easy as it seems, I won't need to go this long between posts!