I've been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about why I decided to become a surrogate, and I have a few reasons, but I can't decide if they are the right reasons.
First off, when I was pregnant with H., I loved it. But the relationship I was involved in was not a healthy one. There was very little excitement about the baby, and lots of denial. I want to be pregnant more, but am not sure I want more kids. This was a way to figure out if another pregnancy (or 2 or 3, maybe) will make me feel finished with having kids.
I also want a pregnancy that is planned. I will admit that H. was not planned, and with me being so young, it was shocking. I want a situation where everyone is excited and looking forward and happy.
I also did well being pregnant, and with labour. I feel like it's one of the only things I do well, and I want to help another family. I want to give another family the joy that my little man brings me.
I know the last reason is the right reason, but I feel like the first two aren't?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
All the right reasons... Or not....
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I understand where you are coming from. Although my labor did not go as planned, I loved being pregnant. I often wish I was still pregnant. Or that I could have stayed pregnant and still have Owen.. I don't think its a bad reason to want to be a surrogate but I think you really have to think about when you hand the baby over, will you be in grief once your pregnancy is over? I know after Owen was born I was sort of grieving for the end of my pregnancy, and missing the feet in my rib cage and feeling the movements inside of me and rubbing my belly. But at the same time I had this new life to care for, and was able to transition my emotions to a new kind of love. I would worry, without having the baby afterwards, would you be grieving? How would you feel once that life was not inside you, within your care anymore? I think I would be devastated. Now I am not saying you shouldn't do this, but these are the reasons that I would consider, and why I don't think I could do this. You are very brave to do this for another family :)
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