Adventures in Mommyhood

Making a Family!

2012-02-20T15:45:00.000-08:00

I never thought I would say this, but the day is finally here! Surrogacy transfer day!

This day has been a long time coming! It's been almost a year since I first touched base with the agency I am working with, and almost 4 months since I was matched with my IP's. Since the match, it's been conference calls and contracts and PILLS! (I don't think I have ever taken so many pills in my whole life). I started the birth control pills about 2 months ago (to regulate my cycle). About 3 weeks ago I stopped those, and did some blood work and ultrasounds. I then started Estrace (estrogen) to keep me from getting my period. I take those 3 times a day, 2 pills at a time. About 6 days ago I took a round of antibiotics (to avoid infection from the procedure... thankfully that was only 6 pills spread over 4 days!). And then, 4 days ago I started the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots. Yes, shots! As in needles. I take 2cc's once a day. I couldn't rope anyone into doing it for me, so I am lucky enough to be able to stick myself with needles once a day. These I will continue until my 12th week of pregnancy.

About 5 hours ago the doctor transferred 2 "beautiful" (his words!) embryos into me! I have a requisition for bloodwork to do in 2 weeks time. Until then, waiting ever so patiently.... which means I am going to wait probably 7 days before I start doing home pregnancy tests!

I also got to meet my IP's today. We had been emailing back and forth for the last few months (probably since early November). I got to meet them both, which was a really welcome surprise. They met with the doctor beforehand, who was really behind schedule), and were worried they had missed the transfer. It turns out they did not miss it at all, but both of them decided to wait outside the procedure room.

They ended up driving me to the train station after the procedure, so we got to chat and get to know each other. I was really worried that they wouldn't like me or something, but they seemed to be really happy (which is saying a lot as I was wearing a hospital gown, a hairnet, and paper booties when they first saw me). They both seem really hopeful and happy, so I hope everything works out, and this transfer is the one that takes, first try.

As of right now, I am on the train heading home. It's been a long day, and exhausting in that happy, fulfilled way. I know I say this a lot, but I promise to update this more regularly!

The Santa Debacle

2011-12-06T04:07:00.000-08:00

It's getting into the holiday season (quite possibly my absolute least favourite time of year). Holden just turned two, so is naturally learning all about his world at an alarming pace. We go to church every Sunday, and he loves singing and playing with his friends. I'm not all together entirely confident in my faith, or fully "out there" as a Christian, but I am thinking about Christmas this year.

When I was growing up, Christmas was a huge deal, and I loved it, but I always wanted it to be about the real Christmas. Not all Santa and reindeer and presents (although I do love the idea of giving), and I am wondering how to treat Christmas this year, now that Holden will have some idea.

This week he spent a day with Grandma, and came home with a new movie, Wiggles Christmas. I wasn't too shocked about the fact that he had the movie, but I put it on for him, and decided as he was watching that this didn't need to be his idea of Christmas.

So, I decided then and there to ruin Santa for my little boy. And I told him all about the real Christmas. And I'm sure he listened to about 4 words I said, but that's besides the point. For the first time in a long time, I made a decision that will make me feel great as a person, and I hope turn my little boy into the adult I want him to be (giving and selfless and compassionate).

I decided that we will not be a household that makes Christmas about Santa. Sure, we will still go get pictures taken with the big guy in red, but he'll know Christmas for the real reasons, and not for getting presents.

The ups and downs of parenting...

2011-10-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

Today has been a busy day in the life of H. Not for any particular reason, he has just been going non-stop all day.

Which is not normally an issue, except today was supposed to be my epic packing day. For the record, I move the day after tomorrow. And it's 5:30pm.

So, the business of toddlers got me thinking about what was my favourite stage thus far. And... I have no idea. So, I thought why not go through all I liked and disliked about each stage.

Newborn:

Pros: so easy to take anywhere (they just sleep). They are super snuggly.

Cons: So much crud needs to come with you (I never managed to pack a small diaper bag). Car seats are huge! No sleep.

Baby: (6 months- 1 year)

Pros: So fun to start to play with. Learning more, and more alert. They start to talk.

Cons: still so much crud. They cry louder. Teething!

Early Toddler: (1 year- 18 months)

Pros: So much fun to play with, now that they walk. You don't need to carry them absolutely everywhere. Forward-facing carseats mean you don't need to take the bucket seat everywhere! They start to talk.

Cons: Still teething. They get stubborn (or maybe that's just mine).

Big Babies: (18 months- 2 years)

Pros: They say the funniest things. They learn so quickly. You can easily take them anywhere (a diaper in your purse, and a toy and soother, and you're good).

Cons: They know more words than they say, so they can't express themselves as well as they want to, so they scream. They are still stubborn (again, maybe just mine). They stop napping, but still really need it. Walking is old news, and now want to be carried everywhere. You can easily pack up and take them anywhere... but you really can't take them anywhere.

Ok, so I have loved every stage for different reasons. They've all been good. But right now H. is hilarious. I love spending time with him.

I swear I'm still alive!

2011-10-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

After a short hiatus from the blogging machine, I have decided that now is as good a time as ever to start blogging again. I'm back and better than ever.

I figured now was a good time to start because just about everything in my crazy life is changing!

To start, in just 3 short weeks, I will be moving. Little H. and I have found ourselves a very handy hole-in-the-ground (literally). The price is great, and the land lady seems very reasonable, and I am actually very excited.

Next, school is nearly done. With only 2 weeks left in class, and 4 in practical placement, we are in the home stretch! All the girls in my class are excited, and starting to admit they are nervous. (I admitted months ago that I was worrying).

Third, H. is almost 2. In about 6 weeks, he will turn 2, and I honestly have no idea where the time went. He is such a little man now, it's not even funny how much he has changed. He speaks in 3 or 4 word sentences for the most part, and has an astounding vocabulary. Although he is smart and articulate, he is a boy, and he is nearing his two's (As of right now, I feel like he is having a contest to see how far he can throw a truck across the living room... while wearing only a diaper and mismatched socks).

Now, there is really no time for a real update right now... it's Thanksgiving, and I have pies to make for my duck dinner with the boyfriend and his kids on Monday.

Right now, life is topsy-turvy, but it's starting to work out now!

New journey update!!

2011-09-07T15:47:00.001-07:00

Just heard the word from my IPs (intended parents, the people I'm having the baby for), sperm sample being given tomorrow and the embryos are being made tomorrow morning. Around 9am spain time there will be tiny little people created, then shipped here! I am beyond over the moon that things are finally moving along!

Busy over here

2011-08-16T19:39:00.001-07:00

Not busy blogging, of course. That would be too entertaining for you!

Busy making some pretty big choices. I wish I could give you more details, but I want to get all the kinks worked out, because there is still soooo much that could happen to make this fall through.

I'll update as soon as I can give more info, I promise!

The joy of toddlers

2011-08-13T09:50:00.001-07:00

So far today (and it's just past 11:30 am), I have had to tell my toddler these things

"H., don't step on the kitty"
"Stop eating your book"
"No biting"
"Get out of my school-bag"
"Do not eat the pizza crust you found in the grass"
"Don't hit Momma with that DVD case"
"If you don't have a diaper on, you can't chase the kitty"

Maybe I'm not on the mend after all...

2011-08-09T14:29:00.001-07:00

After my hysteroscopy on Friday, I felt fine (apparently, until about 8pm). Saturday was a little rough, and Sunday I faught exhaustion all day.

Well, Monday and today were write-offs. Yesterday I went to school, but was exhausted. I made an extra-strong coffee, and it had no effect whatsoever. I was trying so hard not to fall asleep in class and was trying to keep breakfast down all morning. I decided I was going to go to work and at least answer emails and do a quick clean.

That was a mistake. I had eaten lunch at it really wasn't sitting well at all. I did keep it down, but just barely. I ended up leaving early to go home and sleep. Sleep didn't come very easily as I was very sick feeling, and had started to experience some cramping.

This morning I got up feeling even worse than yesterday. I barely made it through the bus ride to school. I got there and tried to rest a little bit, but was feeling very warm. My friend came in and asked how I was doing, and then said I shouldn't have even come.

By the time my teacher got there, I was about the throw up, and I felt sick to my stomach. When she started her lecture, I ended up running out to be sick. I got back and my friend and I in whispers discussed what I should do. My teacher ended up in on the conversation, and said I really didn't look well and that, like it or not, I should be home resting. She also admitted that a fever was very worrisome, and that if it got worse or even stayed the same, I should see a doctor.

So, I came home and went right to bed. I slept for about 3 hours, which brought me to noon. After about 2 days of forcing myself to eat, I finally was actually hungry. I ate, and sat in the couch and watched a movie, curled up in a blanket.

At about 3 I was exhausted again, and went back to bed. I slept another two hours and am now just starting to feel better.

It's 5:30pm, so, almost exactly 4 days after my procedure. I'm still groggy feeling, and tire very easily. I'm sorry to admit that this knocked me on my ass. I'm usually a pretty bounce-back sort of person, and I think I took that for granted.

I think I may need to take the rest of the week easy... Which will be super challenging for me.

One step more closer!

2011-08-06T15:34:00.001-07:00

Yup, that's right! I am one, hopefully final, step closer to the embryo transfer and being a surrogate.

I flew to Toronto yesterday to have a polyp removed. It was a crazy long day. We flew out at 6:45 am, and flew back at 8:00 pm, but the plane was late and it ended up being more like 8:20 or so (I was a little bit drugged so I don't really remember this).

Because I was getting sedative for the procedure, I needed to bring someone to accompany me. So, my dear British friend came. Because he lives closer to the airport than I do, I slept over at his house on Thursday night. I got there around 9 pm, and we talked and watched a movie. We went to bed around midnight, and were up at 5am.

We took a taxi to the airport, and checked in. We hung out in the Porter lounge until it was time to board, so we updated facebook.

Flying wasn't too bad. There was no turbulence, and it was a nice clear day. We landed and decided to have a coffee near the clinic before we went in. So we sat at a Starbucks in the middle of the Business district, had our coffee, and decided it was still really early, so we could take a wander throughout Bay street.

We walked a few blocks to a great mall, and wandered through there. They had a great big LCBO we walked through, and would have shopped in, but we couldn't take any liquids on the plane. We also found a great book place, and both bought a few great books.

It was then time for The Appointment. We headed over to the clinic, checked in, and picked our recovery room. I got changed and then we sat and waited. A nurse came and gave me some papers to sign, then we waited. My vitals were taken, and we waited some more. Shortly before my appointment time, the vitals nurse attempted to put an IV in. Unsuccessfully and very painfully. She got another nurse to come in, and the brute got it in, but it hurt about as much as it possibly could. So, my saline drip was started to keep me hydrated because I couldn't drink anything.

And then we waited. And waited. And I slept. And we waited. And then we watched some Top Gear. And I slept. And we waited.

About 3 hours later, there was no one else, and it was finally my turn. Here is where it all gets a little fuzzy. I was getting a narcotic for pain, as well as a sedative, in my IV. From the procure I remember the nurse telling me to breath, and then making a conscious effort to continue breathing.

And after that there isn't much. This was about 4pm. I remember going to the Eatons Center, and there were birds on the ceiling. And I remember getting on the plane, but not flying.

This is what I have pieced together (and how);
- we ate at some point (I found a half eaten burger and fries in a plastic container in my bag)

- I went shopping at victoria's secret (I found the items in my bag... Which was a very weird thing to discover)

- I wasn't feeling well at all apparently (I woke up in British Guys bed. I don't remember the flight or the bus to his house)

- I found this text in my phone "ha I dreamed about strawberries and cried but the tiger and I snuggled so I'm ok" (this makes more questions. It was sent right after the procedure)

All in all, an eventful day. Today is a little off. I feel groggy and sick. I've only just started eating (it's about 6:30 pm). I tried sleeping, and woke up feeling worse. I don't have any pain from the procedure, just some after-effects from the drugs. I feel better than I did this morning, so hopefully another good nights sleep will help again.

So, after all that, I am one step closer to surrogacy!

All the right reasons... Or not....

2011-07-19T20:15:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about why I decided to become a surrogate, and I have a few reasons, but I can't decide if they are the right reasons.

First off, when I was pregnant with H., I loved it. But the relationship I was involved in was not a healthy one. There was very little excitement about the baby, and lots of denial. I want to be pregnant more, but am not sure I want more kids. This was a way to figure out if another pregnancy (or 2 or 3, maybe) will make me feel finished with having kids.

I also want a pregnancy that is planned. I will admit that H. was not planned, and with me being so young, it was shocking. I want a situation where everyone is excited and looking forward and happy.

I also did well being pregnant, and with labour. I feel like it's one of the only things I do well, and I want to help another family. I want to give another family the joy that my little man brings me.

I know the last reason is the right reason, but I feel like the first two aren't?

Snuggle central over here...

2011-07-17T12:06:00.001-07:00

I am a pretty snuggly person. In my mind, there is no emotion that can't be conveyed in a snuggle, and nothing a good cuddle can't solve.

Well, Mr. H. has slightly different ideas. They happen on his schedule, and only for as long as he wants.

Which leads to many issues. When I was just wrapping my head around the idea that I was going to be a mommy, I was so excited for the fact that I would have someone to snuggle for the rest of my life, no questions asked... Well, then I found out that I was having a boy. No big deal, I'd just have someone to snuggle for about 10 years or so.

And true enough, H. was a mighty snuggler... For the first few weeks, he couldn't sleep unless he was snuggled the whole time.

Lately, not so much. A few minutes a day. A few minutes before bed. He may sit on my lap for a few minutes while he watches a movie, or while we share a snack... But not nearly as much I want.

But, as I type this, he is all cuddled up in bed with me, looking cute as a button, and I realized something... I wouldn't change anything about him. If he was a snuggler, he wouldn't be the independent, fearless toddler he is. He wouldn't be friendly or personable. And when he does want snuggles (no matter how short) they are always special and beautiful and just what I want.

He may not be snuggly, but he's just what I imagined.

New Mommyhood Journey Update

2011-07-12T14:28:00.001-07:00

I had my appointment in Toronto at the fertility clinic, and everything checked out well, but one thing.

I have a uterine polyp...which under normal circumstances is nothing to worry about, but in the case of a successful conception, it lowers the odds slightly.

That being said, there is a day surgery called a hysteroscopy, which will remove it. The doctor asked if I would be ok with it, and I was. So then the decision was up to the intended parents (IP's) if they would be ok with me doing it, and pushing the process back a little.

Well, I got the news today that they are! So, in two months instead of next month we will go for our embryo transfer!

I am so excited that we are leaping over these hurdles and things are finally coming together!

Ideally...

2011-07-07T14:10:00.001-07:00

Anyone who knows me really well knows I come up with crazy plans, and I spend most of my free time daydreaming.

Well, embarking into a new relationship with a certain British Guy, I've found myself doing a lot of both lately.

For the most part, I daydream about what kind of marriage (I know, much too early to be thinking about it, if at all... but that's where my mind goes) we will have.

And here's the crazy thing... in my head, it's very traditional. Which is very not me. I don't do traditional things.

What got me thinking about this was me eating my snack at work. Cut and peeled fruit, a good variety, nicely packaged in a nice screw top ziploc container, just begging to be eaten.

How that relates to marriage is what you're wondering... Well, I want to be the kind of wife that makes the husbands lunch everyday, with sandwiches with cheese and lettuce cut into triangles, cut up veggies, the aforementioned fruit, and some homebaked treat. As well as making the balanced breakfast in the spotless kitchen with my apron before anyone else gets up.

Whether that happens or not, and whether said husband is British Guy or not, has yet to be decided, but in my head, that's what marriage looks like to me.

I guess time will tell...

Starting over again... sort of...

2011-07-06T12:31:00.001-07:00

So, yes, in short, I am starting another pregnancy journey... but don't worry, it's not my baby.

I'll let you spend a minute figuring that out...

I have decided, with much careful consideration, to become a gestation surrogate. So, in a few weeks (hopefully) I will go through IVF and become pregnant with a baby that has none of my DNA, which I will carry and grow for a lovely Spanish couple who are unable to carry a child.

A lot of people disagree with my decision, but a few people I met through the surrogacy agency have been a huge help, and a new BFF of mine, A., has been fantastically supportive. I am so excited to give another family the joy that H. has brought to me and my family.

So, a whole new mommyhood adventure I'm embarking on, and I'm so excited to share it with you!

I don't think he really understood...

2011-07-04T14:53:00.001-07:00

Well, in my defense it was shortly before 6am when we had the conversation... And he is not yet two...

I was listening to the news, and heard a story about a little boy who is not much older than H. who got out of the house, and drowned in the lake. And I don't know about you, but I feel like I hear stories like this too often.

Given how curious and independent and escape artist-like H. is, I worry about things like this. So, because it was 6am, and because he just looked so sweet and cooperative lying next to me in bed, I thought we would have a conversation.

So, I asked him not to ever go near water unless Momma was around, until he was much bigger... like, 20 or so.

His answer... "no wa-wa cup". Great.

Step up in the tech world..

2011-07-03T11:03:00.001-07:00

So, here is a good test of my wits and abilities... Posting to my blog from my iPod. I have a handy blogging app, so we shall see how this goes...

So, it's been just under 2 months since my last post (I'm really good at keeping things regular)... Not much is new with the H-monster. He's still up to being a monster, albeit a very cute giggly one.

I'm still in school, and doing well, and between that and my new job, I spend much of my week away from home, but now can really look forward to the weekends with my monkey.

Other than that, there is little else to report on, but I will fill you in slowly on the few things that have happened in the last 8 weeks.

And hey, if this blog app is as easy as it seems, I won't need to go this long between posts!

When did you become a mommy?

2011-05-10T17:25:00.000-07:00

I just read a great thread on facebook that a page I'm following posted as a contest. It was all about when you became a mommy (or daddy, I suppose). Most people said the expected; "When I got my positive pregnancy test", "WHen I first felt baby kick", "When I first held my baby"... but there were a few interesting ones; "When the fertility clinic called to give us our transfer time", "When I grew up saying I can't wait to be a mommy", or, my favourite "When we were rear-ended and all I could think of was checking on my baby in the back seat".

For me, I think the moment I first thought "I'm a mommy now" was when I learned I had to protect myself because it wasn't all about me anymore.

I haven't gone into a lot of detail about some things that were happening when I was pregnant. But, the short version (and I might go into more detail eventually) is that I was in an abusive relationship. My son's father is very paranoid, and he was sure I was cheating on him, and every late call or funny noise in the background was just fueling this fire. After I got pregnant, things got worse, and one day I remember laying on the floor and apologizing to my baby that I had just found out about, and promising that I would be strong for both of us and make sure things were different when he (or she) was born.

When I first realized that all of a sudden it was about protecting the baby instead of just trying to protect myself. Not only did I grow a baby in those nine months, I also grew courage and a backbone.

That's when I knew I was a mommy.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

My second as a mommy, to be specific.

It was alright. Nothing specifically fantastic happened, it was just nice. Until about 6pm, H. was great... and then fell into Tantrum Man.

My sister and brother and I made supper for my mom... shish kebobs, garlic bread, and salad for supper, and I made boston cream pie for dessert.

Not overly exciting, but not all together bad.

Premature Terrible Twos....

2011-05-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

The terrible twos have hit early in this house!! Yay!

Not!

Everything is no! Everything. And throwing, and tantrums, and power struggles... ever tried to stuff a limp toddler into a sleeper because he refuses to help you get him ready for bed? Until tonight, my answer was a no!

It's horrible. If you ask him if he wants something, and he says yes, he usually decides once he has it in his hands ah, nope, don't want this anymore... must get it as far away from me as possible, as fast as possible. Yeas, fantastic. "H., do you want your cup?" "Yeah. (hands it to him)...no, no" (as he throws it on the floor).

I am one frustrated mommy.

An illuminating look at my faults as a mommy...

2011-05-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

I am not Supermom. I wouldn't even say I am a great mom... I'm me, and I'm doing things my way. The one thing I am most proud of is the fact that I am surviving, and how happy my little boy is. That's all that matters to me, and that is why I am ok writing this.

I have many faults. Like, a lot. Not even mommy faults, but human faults. Which is pretty common, I hear, but I think admitting it is part of helping make it better... So, here it goes!

I co-sleep: It started when he was born, and has pretty much been happening all the time since then. I know I joke a lot, but I am completely serious about this. There was a span of about 6 months where he slept in his crib... the rest of the time he is in my bed. I admit, he starts in his crib (99% of nights), and some nights he doesn't end up in my bed, but about 90% of the time, he is in my bed when I wake up.

I don't spend a lot of time with him: I admit, part of it is just plain busy-ness, trying to make a batter life for us... but part of it is also trying to get out without him. Horrible, I know, but I am not a stay-at-home kind of person. And I do need some adult conversation that is not about kids sometimes.

I am not overly comforting: I am not. At all. It's probably not even on the top 100 words to describe me. Why I thought I could be a good mommy without being comforting is beyond me, but I did... and I was wrong. When H. cries (which is not very often, I'll admit) I often find myself saying "Bear, you're fine". Which is awful, but it's true... he is usually fine.

I get frustrated: A word commonly used to describe me is impatient. Very impatient. That being said, when H. wants to walk everywhere, even though I am probably already late, and I know he will want to talk to the kitty in the park, and stick his feet in the snowbank every 2 feet, I will let him. But when I am trying to do something and he gets cranky or clingy, I get very short with him.

I eat crappy, and let H. eat crappy too: We are not overly healthy people. I (and now we) love to snack, and not in a healthy way. I (and now we) love chips and crackers and crunchy salty things. And fast food. Ooops.

I talk about my kid... a lot: Which I know is not a particularly bad thing, but I'm sure it must annoy people.

All that being said, I think I am doing an amazing job as a single, working, teenage mom who is also a full-time student. I know that people look at H. and say how funny and happy he is, how independent and smart, but I know I could be a better mommy for him... and I'm trying.

Just off..

2011-04-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Easter. Which I love, because it's a holiday. And I got to see my whole family (with 3 siblings, partners and 2 kids, it doesn't happen that we're all together very often) and had a blast. I had some great snuggles and fun with my Bear today... but something isn't right. I just feel sad and angry and tired. Maybe I am just tired.

I just want winter to be over soon.

Talkin' Toddlers

2011-04-12T18:18:00.001-07:00

H. is a toddler. Which is sad. But he talks. Which is hilarious! He knows a lot of words, so he can answer questions, which is great when he really wants something. So, if you ask a question, he will answer "yeah" or "no-no" (always 2 nos. Always). But he also says some words (not very many, but enough). As is common with his age (16 months) he vastly generalizes things. Like food. It's either "cacas" (crackers), for toast and chips and cookies and bread... or "appa" (apples), for anything fruit related. Whenever we go anywhere, he points out cars ("a cah"). And anything bigger than a car is a bus ("a bah"). Trucks, trains, SUV's... all busses. Also, any brown animal is a cow. Anything. Horses, giraffes, a dog. Complete with moos and everything. He loves animals, and knows what most animals say (cows go "moo", sheep "baa", kitties say "oww", monkeys say "oo-oo"), and can for the most part point them out. I love that he is growing up, and becoming a cute little person. And I love that he picks up on things. I love that the word snuggle ("nuggo") is in his vocabulary, and I love that he uses it all the time. I just love that cute little boy more and more every day.

Reflections in Mommyhood

2011-04-11T11:07:00.001-07:00

I just watched an amazing video called Reflections in Motherhood (here), and it really got me thinking, if I could go back 2 years, to right before I had H., what would I tell myself? Well, I have been thinking, and I think these are a few things every mommy, new or seasoned, needs to remember:

it's ok to need a break. It means you're not superwoman, and know where your line is.

It's ok to want to leave Baby at home... and to be ok leaving Baby at home

But it's also ok to be a mess the first time you leave Baby at home.

Sometimes you'll cry, and sometimes you'll scream, and sometimes you'll stand in the shower and let Baby cry or scream in their crib. You're not made of steel.

Once and a while, you will have a moment that seems benign and ordinary, but the beauty of it will knock you off your feet.

It's alright to want to sleep through a feeding. Better if you don't, but know that all mommys want to at some point.

Your child will always be the smartest, and before their first birthday you will already have speculated a dozen times about their future career.

It's ok to meet new mommys and vent about being a new mommy. It's also ok to nicely compare your babies with each others.

Sometimes you will let Baby cry. As much as you read otherwise, letting them do so will not make them an ax-murderer in adulthood.

Everyone has an opinion. Everyone also has opinions on everyone elses opinion. Do what works for you, and what works for Baby, and everything will be fine.

It's ok to be scared. It's a scary thing, being put in charge of this tiny little person, knowing you get to teach them about the world, and everything in it.

Embrace the silliness. You will sit on the floor and make the silliest noises, and let your toddler crawl all over you, because you know it makes them laugh, and even after years together, their laughter is still the best sound in the world.

Every baby is different, and every mommy is different. Do what works for you, and know that there are a million women going through the same thing at any given time.

And best of all, enjoy that amazing little person God created just for you!

Sick little Bear :(

2011-03-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

H. is sick. Incredibly so. It is so hard to watch him and know he is not himself, and probably pretty uncomfortable, and know I can't do anything to make him feel better.

For the last month or so, he has just been off. I ended up taking him to a walk-in clinic, where the doctor told me he had an ear infection. Ok, so Amoxilin, and a week later he was fine. We went for his 12 month immunizations (at 15 months, because I'm really good), and the doctor gave an all clear, and said his ears were good.

About a week later, the grumpy H. was back. But worse. He had a fever constantly for just over 2 days when we went back to the doctors' to see what was up. The nurse that saw him was not very friendly, to start things off, and H. had been there a little over a week before to get shots (which I'm sure he must have remembered). All this chalking up to a very uncooperative H.

He wouldn't let them take his temperature (she tried to tell me he didn't have a fever... to which I replied "touch him, feel how hot he is, and try and tell me he doesn't have a fever?"), he screamed when she tried to listen to his breathing, and tried to bite the tongue depressor when she tried to look in his throat. She then spent about 10 seconds looking in his ears, and decided both of them looked "a little pink", and were therefore just infected.

But that didn't seem right to me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, it's not like he had an ear infection less than 2 weeks before, right?

So, we tried the Amoxilin again, and it worked... for about 6 days of the 10 day prescription.

As of right now, for the past week, H. had been up almost the entire night with a horrible fever (he managed to let me check it a few times, and it was usually around 101.5). So, neither of us are sleeping, he is hot and uncomfortable at night, but completely fine during the day, and I feel like I am about to lose my mind.

Well, I can't take it anymore. We had a follow-up appointment for his ears tomorrow, but I called this morning to see if we could move it up to today, which, thankfully, they could. So, hopefully in a few hours we'll have a real diagnoses, and I can get my sweet little Bear back.

Hoping for the best!

Scrapbooking woes...

2011-03-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here's the deal. I am not creative. At all. Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that... but the thing is, I really want to be good at artsy stuff!

Hence the scrapbook I started when H. was, oh, about 3 weeks old.

I have 4 pages. And not even good pages.

They are plain. Which I guess could be said captures the essence of me, sort of. I really wish I could do more. I wish I could do better.

But it makes a good story, I think.

Oh, the Wiggles

2011-03-04T12:23:00.000-08:00

H. loves them. I am starting to love them. I have my favourite Wiggle, and my favourite song.

And then I decided that is terribly sad, and we needed some new movies.

And now we get to be regaled with Thomas the Tank Engine, Sesame Street, and Mighty Machines.

I can't wait until I can watch Disney Pixel movies with him!

Toddling Toddler

2011-02-22T09:56:00.000-08:00

Well, I no longer have a baby. I have a walking, talking toddler.

Yes, H. is up and fully mobile. Sad day in my house.

Well, sort of.

He just gets cuter every day! I swear, he also must learn something new every day as well.

He is learning his farm animals, to my delight. He's so funny with them. He knows a cow says "moo", as well as, in his world, a horse, a giraffe, and a truck (?). He knows a sheep says "baa", and a kitty in his world says "ow", which is close enough to be right, and far enough away to be adorable!

The best part about him walking, though? I don't have to carry him everywhere.

We went to a museum yesterday, with a large segregated childrens museum, and it was so nice to let him walk around and let him explore on his own... even if he did go up and down the ramp on the shipping boat about, oh, 30 times. I think he had more fun too, than if he was just being carried to wherever I wanted to go, or see what I wanted him to see.

But I am learning that he picks up the craziest things. Like, we have a toy vaccuum, and I once watched him pick it up, and stand in one spot and push it back and forth... let's be honest, he didn't learn that from me! We have hardwood, and I don't even know if we have a real vaccuum!

Also, he knows how to use rollers to paint walls? We were at the children's museum, and there is a part about building, or something, and there are rollers, with paint trays (empty, of course) so kids can pretend to paint. Well, wouldn't you know, my kid did! Just moseyed on over and pick it right up, and straight to the wall with it! So smart! Funny, the last time I remember painting was a good 8 months ago? He was about 6 months old? And he remembers... or he saw someone else paint.

In any case, my little boy is a genius!

I know I say this a lot, but he gets cuter every day!

What would be easier...

2011-02-05T17:53:00.001-08:00

I'm a single mom. But on top of that, I am also a full time student, and a 25 hour a week employee. It's hard, but I am managing.

Which would be fine, except for one thing. The Father. H.'s, that is.

Up until now, I am pretty sure I have not mentioned him. Actually, about 99% sure.

He's not part of the picture... well, he's kind of one of those weird orb things that lurks in the background of the picture. It was all a mistake. The relationship was not a healthy one for either of us, and even being pregnant and 19, I knew I needed him out of my life.

But he's back, and non of us are happy about it.

Which leads me to wonder... would it be easier without him, even if it meant H. grew up without a father? Even if it meant I have to teach him to throw a ball? (Which anyone who knows me will say is a BAD idea!)

I'm wondering... I'm already at the breaking down at work stage, at the losing sleep and eating junk food phase. Do I need ANOTHER worry on my plate?

I don't think so. I'm a good juggler, but The Father demands the utmost attention. Attention I can't give.

Everyone says single parenting is hard, but no one tells you that deciding who should be a part of your child's life is excruciating.

Someone's going to get hurt, and I really can't let that person be H.

I. Hate. Judgement.

2011-01-18T14:38:00.000-08:00

Period. That's all. I hate it.

I get a daily parenting tip that come straight to my email, which are sometimes helpful, sometimes laughable, and like today, downright insensitive.

"What you child learns from your marriage".

Is it just me, or does that seem a little biased? Not every good parent is married, and not every marriage is a shining example to kids.

Did it touch on either of those points? No.

As a proudly single mother, I know that marriage is the social norm for raising kids... or it used to be. Things are shifting. Most people notice. At my work (a natural parenting boutique), all the employees say "partner" not "husband", since almost half of us are single or just dating.

Needless to say, I was not impressed with that "parenting tip". There were ways to make a good article on that point, and I must say, they failed miserably.

Well, what's one more judgement coming my way?

Happy Birthday!

2011-01-13T14:43:00.001-08:00

Who is celebrating a birthday, you're probably wondering?

Well, WE ARE! My blog is one year and 9 days old. Seems like so long ago, and with any birthday of any kind, I always reminisce about the past year.

Lots has happened!

For one, H. went from a little boy who loved to throw up and sleep on me, to a little toddler who loves to sleep in my bed.

He has changed so much, but I also feel like everything in my life has changed. For the good, of course!

So, thank you all for a wonderful year, and I hope there are many more to go!

New Year, new mommyhood adventures...

2011-01-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

Well, 2010 is gone, 2011 is here. That means remembering to write 2011, feeling old, and making resolutions.

This year I am thinking a lot about what I want to accomplish in the next year... a lot more thinking than usual.

First and foremost, I want to be the best mom I can be. It's hard. H. starts daycare in 2 weeks, I am into my second week of college, and I'm still working about 15 hours a week. It's going to be busy, and challenging, and I won't get to see him a whole lot, but I have a plan.

No more chores while he's awake. They can wait, and he needs me more than the dishes and laundy need me.
When he's awake and I'm at home, I'm going to play with him. Really play. Right on the floor, both of us laughing so hard we fall over playing.
We are going to eat better. I am the first to admit that I have deplorable eating habits. I do like veggies, a lot, but my love of carbs is more intense. My goal is to eat veggies or fruit every day, and cut down on carbs to fall within the Canada Food Guide maximum (which for me is 5-8 servings). And because my eating habits are so bad, H. is becoming bad too. There is time to change him though!
I plan on walking to work or home from work, at least twice a week. Doesn't quite count as a better mommy goal, but anything that makes me a happier healthier person makes me a better mommy.
And again with the better mommy= healthier thing... lose at least 30lbs by my graduation in December. 11 months, and a plan, and I think I can do it!

I also plan on being nicer to the people in my life... my siblings/housemates, my mom, and my parents. I have not been the nicest to them over the last few months, and that's got to change. All the tension and fighting is not good for H. or anyone else.

And lastly, a budget. Since I'll be working only a little, and having a few extra expenses with school and the little mans daycare, I need to work out a budget. Having finally applied for most all of the government tax rebates I can, I have a little extra money come in, but I need to cut my extraneous purchases, and my junk food costs, and save as much as possible. So, I am going to write my budget, stick to it, and continue saving with my savings account. And I plan on sale shopping and using coupons for big purchases (like groceries).

And that is my plan for 2011. I tend to not follow plans or try to reach goals, but this one feels doable!

I'm pumped for 2011... bring it on!

NOW I really just wanna sleep!

2010-12-09T13:33:00.000-08:00

So, about a month back I wrote that I wanted to sleep, a lot... well, that's nothing compared to how I feel now!

H. has been teething something awful (1 tooth cut, looks like at least 3 more coming in). And he's been a super grump. Clingy and whiny and trying to be independent, but really just wanting snuggles. Don't get me wrong, I love my little boy to pieces, but it's so hard to keep my sanity!

For a few days around his birthday (oh yeah, he turned 1 a week ago) he refused to nap, including the day of his party. He did alright, but come 5 o'clock he was just done.

Speaking of the party, it went very well. H. was a fantastic little farmer boy (we had a farm theme), wearing the cutest little overalls and plaid shirt. He ate his cake (i.e.: got it everywhere) and played with all the boxes and bags his toys came in. He got cuddles from everyone, and ate lots of party food. All around, a great time for everyone!

But back to not sleeping. Recap: teething, bad naps. And to top it off, he's not eating so well, assuming on my part because of his teeth bugging him.

And then there's nighttime. He typically used to wake up once, soothe himself, and get right back to sleep. Now, wakes up at least twice, sometimes as much as 6 times, and can't get himslef back to sleep.

I tried everything. And nothing worked. In lieu of a solution, we started co-sleeping again. And it was o at first, but a lot of people had some very strong opinions about it (mainly that it was bad news and super hard to break them of)... which it has been. It was alright, but then he was getting too comfy. So last night I tried to let him cry it out (i know he's fine and doesn't need anything)... which was a resounding failure. He cried for an hour! And then he screamed. And then I got him and he fell right asleep.

So now I'm wondering, is co-sleeping that bad? He likes it, and I enjoy it... Phil is not a huge fan, but frankly, crying for hours is waaaay more annoying than a kicky baby in bed with us.

I'm going to keep co-sleeping... if only because I'm way too tired to fight him. Here's to hoping he outgrows it one day, all on his own!

It's that time again!

2010-11-19T18:27:00.000-08:00

TEETHING!!! Yay.

Ok, a little sarcasm. Like, bucketfuls.

H. is teething. No new ones have cut yet. But he has been a grumpasaurus rex. A grump of titanic perportions. A big grump.

He has been super whiny and clingy. And not a huge eater... well, he never really is, but he eats even less than he normally does.

He's been sleeping alright. Not quite as long as usual, and not going down nearly as nice, but still a good 11 hours a night. And he's been napping more during the day. For a while he had maybe an hour, now he's up to 2-3.

But he's super fun still. He understands games, like chasing people and being chased, and he figured out how to turn himself around at the top of the stairs and come back down, so I don't feel so anxious about letting him climb them to begin with.

One thing I am anxious about... his party. Coming up in 7 days. A full week. Scary. The invitations were sent out, and I've heard that some people have gotten them, which is good. One thing to cross off my Worry List. Still a few things on there, but I'll manage.

And that's all for now. I'm sure I could think of more, but I need to go to bed.

Starty Fritters

2010-11-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

In my mind, I like to think I'm funny. I also like to invent nonsense compound words. As I was trying to think about what to write, I invented starty fritters... which, if you hadn't figured it out, is stage fright and party jitters all rolled together... which is exactly what I'm facing at this exact moment.

H. turns 1 (1!!!!) in 2 weeks. Which is really close. Almost too close. And I have yet to finish planning his party, or send out the invitations, or even vaguely think about. I'm a procrastinator, though and through!

Well, the invitations are addressed and ready to be stamped and mailed, my best friend who was gainfully employed at a party store helped with the decorations, and I'm now onto thinking about the actual party.

And I'm not liking it.

I'm not a huge fan of parties, in general... unless it's the kind I just get to show up to. Those are alright... but when I have to plan them myself (organization and prioritizing and all that fun stuff not being on my list of strenths), I get a little nervous... and by a little I mean a boatload. And not one of those dingy rowboats, I'm talking garbage barges full of worry.

So, starty fritters. I'm worried that no one will show up, which is common, I hear... especially when the invitations are due to arrive about 10 days pre-party. And I'm worried that no one will have fun. And that I'll forgot some integral part of the whole H.-apalooza. Or that the birthday boy won't have fun. Or a bunch of other things.

So, starty fritters. Not so fun... but knowing my luck, I'll work myself into a starty fritters induced tizzy, and everything will go off without a hitch. H. and I will have fun with the people that will show up. Everyone will love the food and I will be the Martha Stewart (minus the jail stripes) of parties, and all my worrying will be for naught.

Let's hope for that...

I just wanna sleep!

2010-11-07T16:10:00.000-08:00

I live in Canada, the land of eternal colds, the Rockies, and Daylight Savings Time... Two of which suck, and one is very beautiful... I'll give you a minute to guess which is which.

Time's up! Daylight Savings Time and colds are the winners of the Sucky Part of Canada Prize.

So, at this moment, H. and I are suffering from both. He's had a cold for a few days now, and we're just getting over it, but he's still tired and not eating and sleeping well... which means I'm not sleeping well either.

Lately he's been waking up 2-6 times a night, inconsolable because he can't breathe. Which means I'm waking up 2-6 times a night to try and help him breath. Not fun!

We were just getting over that, when we put the clocks back... so just as I was getting used to H. waking up at 6 instead of 7, he is waking up at 5 instead of 6. Again, not fun!

So, today was kind of a weird day for us. Because of the time shift, he napped early, on our way to church, and then again on the way to visit my sister and niece. So, in total, an hour and a half, split up. He was all sorts of grumpy when we got home around 5, old time 6pm.

So then it was his usual bedtime, and we were just sitting down to eat. He ate maybe a tiny few bites of bread, and that's it before he absolutely lost it. So, he went in the bath for a good 20 minutes and then it was 6:30, but in his time, half an hour past his bedtime.

Thankfully, he went to sleep after drinking about 6oz of a bottle, and has only woken up once in 2 hours. Maybe tomorrow he will be more accustomed to the time shift, and feelig better enough that he will nap and eat nicely, and maybe have a good nights' sleep tonight!

Most likely, just wishful thinking!

I really lied...

2010-11-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

Apparently August 6th to November 5th is an acceptable break from the blogging machine... sorry about that!

While we're on the subject, I will be more regimented (I promise this time) because, thanks to a good friend, I now have a computer at home! No more trekking to the library and back to record H.'s milestones... of which there have been a lot, so let's get to that!

4 months ago, H. was just getting good at sitting on his own... how that has changed! He's crawling. A lot. And climbing stairs. A lot. I'm busy. He's a curious little boy, so naturally he wants to see (and taste) everything. I sometimes wish he would sit still, so if I went to the bathroom or something, he would still be in the same spot... I would even be happy with same level of the house! But I love that he moves now. We chase each other around the house, which is a blast, to hear his little giggles follow me and try and catch me!

We are now up to 6 teeth... and more on the way, I suspect, as a certain little guy has been an absolute bear in a box lately. But it's alright, he's only half as fussy as other babies.

In other Bear news, he super crawls. For a while he did a sort of army commando crawl, sliding around on his belly and pulling himself with his elbows. Which he thankfully grew out of... now only his pants get super dirty, not his whole outfit!

Also, he's almost a whole year old! 3 weeks shy of his first birthday, and I can't imagine that he was once the little boy that was so small he could fit inside me! (although, looking at me now, it's not such a stretch of the imagination...)

Also, I happen to be a brand new aunt! My sister gave birth a few days ago to a beautiful little girl, K.! She was huge (literally, half as big as H. at 11.5 months). I have a cold, so I haven't been able to meet her yet (H. has) but I have seen pictures and she is adorable!!

And I have been working very hard on my personal life... for starters, I have a job I love so much, and I think I do pretty well. I try and work hard, and I love my co-workers and boss, and I love the job itself, and the people I get to help (sometimes...).

Also, I have made the choice to go back to school. I start in 5 weeks. I'll be in class every day for 4 hours, for 11 months, while working as much as I can... it will be hard, and I will be busy, but lately I have been thinking about the future, and I knew this was a choice I was ready to make, and something I needed to do, for me, but more importantly, for H.

And speaking of the future, and of H., it would appear H. and I have a new man in our life. Enter Phil. He is smart and funny, and we have things in common, as well as things that set us apart from each other. We have known each other for YEARS! Literally, like 10. We went to the same high school, attended the same Sea Cadet corps, and he is best friends with my sister/roommates' boyfriend. He makes me happy. And he says I make him happy (I believe him). But, most importantly, he is amazing with H., and I can tell he loves him. I was worried when we first started dating that I would have to choose between H. and a suitor (which would have ended poorly for the suitor), but with Phil it's totally not like that. He understands we're a package deal, baggage and all, and he is great with the situation. He honestly loves me, and I really love him (and now I can't even take it back, because it's now all over the blogosphere). And we're happy, my small little crazy family!

I think that's all for now... and if not, I'll be back later... today, I mean, not this year LOL.

ok, I lied...

2010-08-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently I wasn't going to be more regular in my posts.

But, I will make it up, I promise!

The first big thing that happened was my little boy turned into a hippopotamus! Meaning, he got his first 2(!!) teeth... in the same day, in about 3 hours. Seriously. My mom picked him up from me at work at about 1pm, and I got a text from her at 4 saying he had cut his 2 teeth. So, I'm glad I missed it, but she said he wasn't too bad for her. But by 6pm, he hadn't napped all day, and I got to deal with that.

And I left the job I was working at to go back to my old job I had way before H. was born. I love it. It's busy, and makes me feel like I am actually useful, and I don't work alone, so I get even more people to talk to... so, all around a better situation.

And no other real news to report... H. is just growing and learning at such a fast pace... every day he must learn something new. Like, he now knows how to sit up really well (we still have some unbalanced falls... he just got a bruise on his cheek a few days ago) and is learning the pincer grip, so he can eat rice crackers and toast and pick up pieces of food, and he can even chew them! He is just getting to be such a funny little guy, I can already tell he's going to have a great sense of humour!

But that's all I have for now! I promise I will be more regimented in my blogging, but don't hate me if I'm not!

Holy Crap!

2010-06-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Could I have taken any longer to write a new post?!?!?!

Sorry about that, but it's a long story... so, I broke my computer, so to go on the good ol' interweb I have had to go to the library... which actually isn't that bad, I love the library, except days like today where there must be like 4 different daycamps here, and a million screaming kids!... but that's besides the point.

Speaking on screaming kids in the library, mine isn't one of them! He's happy just to chew on my library card and watch all the other kids embarrass their parents... I love my little boy!

Speaking of H., he's growing so fast! Not growing so much as learning, and figuring out things (at his 6 month check up a few weeks ago he was 15.5lbs, and 27.75 inches long, putting him in the 10th percentile for weight and the 95th for height!)... he is experimenting with crawling, has all but mastered rolling over, both ways, and has moved on to banging things on other things to make all sorts of noises!

On my birthday a few days ago, he crawled! He was a week shy of 7 months and was wiggling on my bed while we had a morning snuggle, and got up on his hands and knees, and shimmyed a good 6inches forward! Since then, he's only gone backwards, but it's another step forwars!

As for work... well, it's not really work... more getting out of the house and talking to other moms (and sometimes grandmas) about my little guy, what works for us and what doesn't, and getting to see cute little(r) babies! I love it! At the end of the day I'm missing H., but I know he's always happy to see me!

So, nothing too new on this front, given the long wait, but I promise to be more regular in my posts!

Bad Moments...

2010-05-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

So, the other day, I had an "I'm a bad mom" moment...

I didn't breastfeed. Well, I did. I tried. For weeks! And when that wasn't working and H. was losing too much weight, I pumped. And when that stopped being a viable option for feeding my son, I switched to formula.

I figured, with the stress of a newborn, and being a young, single mother, I couldn't deal with the stress of breastfeeding issues. And I wanted my son to be healthy. And now he is, but at times, especially when I'm talking to a mom who is still breastfeeding, I get some pangs of regret and I wish I had tried harder... but in hindsight, about 90% percent of the time, I feel like I made the right decision.

I wanted what every other mom wanted... a strong, healthy baby. And now H. is just that!

It wasn't an "I did something wrong" moment, more of an "I stopped doing something right for good reasons, but still regret it sometimes" moment.

I hope I'm not the only ones who get these...

Nothing New

2010-05-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

Yup, nothing new... oh, except for MY NEW JOB!

So, I love working at baby boutiques, the ones thatsell cloth diapers and slings and carriers! Love them! The other day I was browsing the website of one, and decided to send in my resume and see if they were hiring... well, they were.

I had an interwiew on Friday morning, and thelady interviewing me (my new boss!) said she'd let me know, whether I got it or not, by theend of the weekend.

Well, Saturday night, I happened to have my email open, and one from her popped up. I wasn't feeling overly confident, but lo and behold, I got it!

I have to go to a baby wearing and cloth diaper workshop (my two favourite things!) just to get myself familiarized with all the products that they carry.

For now, it's part-time, but in the next few months 2 ladies are leaving for mat. leave, so then I'll have full-time. Which is good... it gives me time to learn things without being overwhelmed for 40 hours a week, and it also gives H. and I time to get used to being away from each other.

Speaking of H., my mom will watch him, until I can find something else!

But man, am I excited!

Tough Decisions

2010-04-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my moms birthday, and as I mentioned, we were having a dinner for her with all my siblings. This means I got to see my sister, who recently found out she was expecting, so I could chat with her about mommyhood (my favourite subject!).

Last week she had her IPS testing (outlined here) done, and we were talking about it. When I was offered it, I refused, and actually switched doctors because the one I was seeing was very adamant that he could not give me proper care without having it done.

My sister said if the tests came back with a 1 in 1 chance her baby would have Downs Syndrome, or any other genetic disorder, she would abort, claiming it would change her life too much (can you tell she's a first time parent?). I didn't want to be faced with that decision. I'm not judging her, or anyone, it is their choice... I just felt for me, being in one of the low-risk groups (young, healthy, no history of such in my family) and knowing that my life would change drastically after delivery anyways, opted not to do it... and I find myself explaining my choice more and more... for test thats optional, not demanded, more and more low-risk women are having it done. I'm not judging, but I just find it fascinating.

Knowing I'm pretty easy-going and can roll with the punches, I was sure I would be able to handle (as well as any other parent) a high-needs child. Knowing I was very low-risk, and having an intuition that everything was ok, I really dug in my heels and refused that test.

It makes me wonder about all the choices women have to make when they are expecting, finding out terrible news, and having to decide how to proceed, or if to do so. The toughness of pregnancy goes beyond the changing body and goes way into the change in mindset.

When you look at it, pregnancy is way more challenging than it seems.

Avoiding Chores

2010-04-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right, I'm avoiding chores. I hate them. Partially because we just moved and everything is a huge mess anyways, cleaning seems pointless... and, well, they're chores and no one wants to do them.

I spent the morning out and about. It's my moms birthday today, so I had to go to brunch with her (and some of my) church friends this morning, and then I had errands to run to get ready for birthdya supper tonight, which my sister and I are hosting... hence all the chores.

And it's not going too well. I mushed up my finger in between two pots in the dishwasher, then burnt the cake, and then spilled a whole bunch of the batter from cake number two down the front of my pants.

Altogether not one of my most chef-worthy kitchen attempts, but I'm working on it.

So, in lieu of messing anything else up, I'm sitting in my chair trying not to get frustrated. Working so far.

Best part about all this is, H. slept right through it (I couldn't post something without mentioning him at least once!)

All Quiet on the Home Front

2010-04-21T15:01:00.000-07:00

Not every post can be exciting, brimming with news.

H. is back up to 10 hours of sleep at night. Eating around 7 or so, he usually is asleep by 8pm. And lately we haven't had any night-time wake ups. Awake at 6am (must work on that) and happy, as usual.

Unpacking is going. Not overly fast, but going. The kitchen is done, save for two half boxes.

And the Great Solids Adventure, featuring H., has been going along amazingly. Squash was great, and a few days ago we tried strawberries. And they went as well as the squash. MY kitchen is mad at me thought, for attempting my own baby food puree. I also made some other foods to freeze, while I was already messy... there is currently a very happy looking row of strawberry, peas, squash, and cauliflower purees on my freezer door. I'm very much looking forward to trying those out! I'm having so much fun with solids, and I think H. is too.

And, finally, H. rolled over! Both ways! Back to tummy yesterday morning, and then tummy to back yesterday afternoon! My little man is getting to be a big man! Sad but exciting!

And that's all. As I said, all quiet on the home front!

Sleep Update

2010-04-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

So, as I said yesterday, H. and I were having problems sleeping... well, H. was, but I can't sleep if he isn't.

To update... Las night was the first night in a week that H. didn't end up in my bed at some point last night. He did wake up at 3:30 for his soother, and was awake at 6:15, but it was still the best sleep I've had since we've moved.

Baby steps. We'll get back to a full 12 hours with no wake ups. I'm sure of it.

Busy Week!

2010-04-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

MY goodness, I never thought I'd get a minute (or a few) to update you on my busy week!

Firstly, Saturday was moving day, and it was intense. I'd never done an entire move, with furniture and everything, so I was in for a surprise. It wasn't too bad though, all things considered. My mom agreed to watch H. for Friday night so I could help my sister pack, and Saturday while we actually moved. One less thing for me to worry about, but I missed him like mad!

So, we started loading the truck at about 11:30, and we were done everything (except unpacking) at about 3 or so. I was so tired at that point, but the best was yet to come...

H. didn't sleep... like, barely at all. Our new house is brighter and louder, and smells different, so neither of us got much sleep. He would only sleep in my arms, and when he sleeps in my arms, I can't sleep... I'm too worried about rolling onto him or pushing him off the side of the bed. So, he didn't sleep much, and I barely slept at all.

So, the last few days have been pretty iffy. We've both been pretty grumpy and tired. But, every night he sleeps more and more. Last night was one wake up at around midnight, and he went back to sleep right away. He woke up again at around 5, so I brought him to bed with me because he wasn't going back to sleep by himself. And we slept until around 7, which was ok.

The other cool thing that happened this week was H. started eating veggies! We have been doing the cereal thing for about 3 weeks now, and he was doing so well with that. I decided to try some butternut squash. I cooked it, and pureed it, and then last nigh gave him some. There were no funny faces or anything, but I have a video just in case. He really liked it. He had some more today and ate it again with no problems.

In a few days, once I know he isn't allergic to the squash or something, we're going to do bananas! I'm excited for that!

So, all in all, a busy week!

Sleeping Wiggle-bottom

2010-04-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

H. wiggles. All the time. When he's awake, or asleep, or eating, or even playing on his playmat.

It's not uncommon for me to put him down right in the middle of his crib, and in the morning to find him sideways pressed into the top. Which is funny, it makes a good story... but lately, he's been waking up in the middle of the night (where before he was sleeping 12 hours at night) because he's wiggled to a side, and can't move anymore.

Well, I love my sleep, and therefore, this needed to stop. He doesn't like being wrapped up, so swaddling him wouldn't work... Putting him farther down in his crib so he's got less wiggling room didn't work, and putting him right at the top so from the start he'd have nowhere to go didn't work either.

And then I got a brilliant idea... a GroBag, which is essentially a sleeping bag that has armholes. So, I am kind of cheap, and wasn't really wanting to pay like 60 bucks for is, especially since he is going to grow out of it so fast.

But, lo and behold, I found one for 15 bucks at my favourite consignment store. And it was cute. It's white, with adorable little blue tractors all over it. So cute!

And we tried it last ight. H. still moved a little. But only a few inches. He didn't touch any side of the crib, and stayed asleep all night!

Yay! We're back to an uninterrupted 12 hours night of sleep!

Starting Cereal

2010-04-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

About 2 weeks ago now, I decided to try feeding H. cereal. Most people are told to wait until 6 months, but at H.'s 4-month check-up, my doctor (who is amazing, while we're talking about her) said it was fine to start trying cereal.

I have read possibly every article on the internet available about starting solids, so I thought I was prepared, but not so much. H. is not a big fan, even 2 weeks later. He hasn't had an allergic reaction, he just doesn't like it. He has started eating more at each feeding, and hopefully soon we'll start doing veggies.

It's exciting. My little guy is growing so fast. He also had his first bath in the "big-boy tubby" today, not his baby tubby (which he had grown out of quite a while ago).

He's getting to be so big, so fast. Scary. Soon he'll be crawling, and soon after that, walking, and talking... I'm not sure I'm going to be ready for that!

Moving Week!

2010-04-06T08:18:00.001-07:00

So, officially, there are 3 full days until moving day. 3DAYS! And I have yet to finish paining H.'s room, or pack anything. This should be fun.

I'm not a huge fan of moving... or change of any kind, really. And this is a big change. Going from living with my mother, who is so helpful with H., to living with Stace, who hands H. back when he's drooling and takes half an hour to get him dressed.

If having a baby didn't make me independent, living in my own house sure will!

(for those of you wondering, pictures are on their way... off to take them now!)

4 Month Schedule

2010-03-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

So, H. is now 4 months old, and we have a schedule that seems to work for us, and seems like it's going to stick for a while. A lot has changed since I posted our daily schedule a month ago.

7am: H. wakes up, and drinks a 7oz bottle.

8am: H. and momma play the tickle monster game, peek-a-boo, and his favourite, "you're falling into momma's face!" (he stands on my knees and I lean him into my face while saying, you guessed it, "you're falling into my face!"... always gets a smile)

9:30am: H. goes down for nap #1 of the day.

11am: H. wakes up from nap, gets dressed for the day, and has another 7oz bottle.

11:30am: H. plays some more (usually now he plays more independently, in his high chair, his exersaucer, his bouncy chair)

1pm: H. goes down for nap #2. This one ranges in time from an hour, to sometimes 3, depending on his mood, and how well he slept the night before.

3pm: H. eats yet another 7oz bottle, and we play some more... depending on his mood it'll be in his high chair, or in my lap with some toys. Around this time, I will read to him if he is in the right mood.

7pm: H. eats the last 7oz bottle of the day, and goes to sleep for 12 hours.

What can I say? I'm a lucky mom. He can entertain himself, he is cuddly, he is smart and fun to play with, he's a good eater, and he sleeps for 12 hours at night.

I love my son!

I have a house...

2010-03-04T06:04:00.000-08:00

In jut 5 weeks, I, along with H. and my older sister, will be moving into a house of our very own... well, not really our own, we're renting... but still, A HOUSE!

We are super excited with all the planning, and shopping for furniture and such... we must have spent about 45 minutes in Home Depot picking out paint colours for H.'s room (Stace found one called Giggles, which is super cute).

I've already had 2 trips to Ikea to look at furniture (mainly beds, I am in desperate need of a bed), and last night Stace and I spent a few hours checking out all the home decorating/furniture stores in town.

But the best part is the little sign I found and pointed out (as a joke to Stace, who bought it). It's blue and long and rectangular, and on it in big white block letters is the word "tight". We haven't decided where in the house it'll go, but it'll be a laugh.

Conversations with H.

2010-03-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

When I was younger, before I was a mom, and people would talk about their baby's first word, I was under the impression that babies go through the first year of life without making a peep, beyond some giggles and cries.

Boy, was I wrong.

As I've mentioned numerous times, H. is incredibly vocal. So much so that I can carry on conversations with him... not with words, but very enthusiastic on his part. (as I wrote that, he started screeching, happily, at the turtle that hangs from the toy bar on his bouncy chair)

In the mornings, when I feed him, I lay him in my lap and talk to him. And he talks back. Today was a fun one too.

Every few days or so, H. experiments with a new sound. The newest one is a sad sort of pouty noise, complete with furrowed brows.

So, this morning, I was talking with H., and I asked him if he was my big boy. His reply? His pouty noise along with a shake of his head. It was so adorable that I had to laugh. And then my little man laughed.

I guess I hit a nerve with my poor little guy.

Our First Ouchie...

2010-02-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

So, at 3 months old, H. and I had our first big ouchie... and admittedly, I think I might've cried more then he did.

So, in the mornings when H. and I get up, I sit on the couch with him half on my lap and half leaning against the pillow that's there and feed him while checking my email and facebook and talking to him.

Well, yesterday, we got into position (around 6:30am) and I realized I didn't have a receiving blanket to burp him, so I leaned him against the pillow and the back of the couch and turned my back for just a second, and he fell. Right down. On the floor. And screamed!

Well, I was crying just after he started, but my first aid training told me to wait until he moved everything (just in case of spinal cord injury) before picking him up. He was already wiggling by the time I got to him, so I picked him up and rocked him and cried with him until he calmed down slightly (it would be some time before he was fully calm).

I knew I needed to check to see if he had any bumps or bruises, so I lay him on the couch and checked all over, and thankfully, besides a red mark on his forehead where he was laying on the floor, he had no ouchies (I was afraid of broken bones and concussions). He was still crying, but he let me feel him all over, so I knew he wasn't overly sore anywhere.

He had just woken up after sleeping all night, so I tried feeding him, and he ate a little bit (it would take almost all day for him to have a full feeding). And I cuddled him, and said I was sorry, and cried for his pain that I couldn't take away.

He was not himself all day, so I began to grow worried again when he was still upset and not eating around 6pm (almost 12 hours later). I checked him all over again, and there were still no bumps or red areas, and he let me feel all over his head, so I figured he was just a little traumatized, and possibly a little sore, and very tired.

But he ate a bit around 10pm (not a full feeding, but more than he had eaten all day), and fell asleep until almost 8am this morning. And he was back to his happy, smiley self. And I was happy.

But they don't tell you about this, about how painful it is to watch your little baby in pain and know that you can't do anything.

I'm going to take more time to heal then H., I'm thinking.

Teething Woes

2010-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

I can officially see (and feel) one of H.'s teeth. It's the bottom left one. But I am worried. I hear it could be months before it actually cuts... which I sincerely hope it's not, because H. has been an absolute grump lately.

He's been spitting up more, drooling a whole lot more, and very cranky. Poor little guy. I've been giving him a soother that has been in the freezer, which seems to calm him down.

The worst part is how clingy he's become. If I so much as try to put him in his crib to sleep during the day, he will raise a little stink. So, I have had to wear him in the sling for half an hour or so, until he is fully asleep, and I can't sit down, I have to be bouncing or rocking him (but at least I'll have rocking abs and legs to show for it). So, it's been a rough few days.

I really hope this doesn't last too long... for me, and especially for him.

The Soother Game

2010-02-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

My son can't fall asleep without his soother... and he can't sleep without moving. It's not uncommon for him to wake up on the complete other side of the crib than where he was put down.

It's also kind of interesting to guess and see where his soother will end up in relation to him.

He sometimes knocks it out of his mouth, and then out of the crib (those ones are always fun to find in the middle of the night... without turning the light on, of course). Sometimes they end up at his feet, or even at the foot of his crib. And sometimes they end up underneath him.

The best one was not even one I saw, but one my mother discovered. He had knocked it out of his mouth. But amazingly enough, he managed to find it again... but it was backwards. He had the part the goes in his mouth in his little fist, and he was sucking away on the handle, fast asleep.

It's good to know he's not picky, at least!

Daily Schedule; 2month

2010-02-08T10:58:00.000-08:00

It's two months in, (give or take a few days) and H. is pretty much on a schedule now. Some days are a little different (like sundays), but for the most part, this is how the day goes.

7am: H. wakes up, gets his diaper changed, and eats.

8am: around this time, H. and I have momma time, during which we play "who's got your chin?" and "who let the tickle monsters in?". And I usually read to him.

9:30am: this is usually when he gets tired of playing, and falls asleep in my arms for his morning nap.

12pm: H. wakes up from his nap, gets another diaper change, eats again, and we play some more. This time he usually plays in his swing or on his play mat, with a little momma play time towards the end.

1pm: H. goes down for his afternoon nap.

4pm: H. wakes up, gets his diaper changed, eats, and plays some more with Momma.

7pm: H. goes back to sleep.

1am: H. wakes up to get his diaper changed and eat.

4:30am: H. gets up to eat again.

7am: H. wakes up, gets his diaper changed, and eats.

This is our daily schedule, and it's been working well for us for about 3 weeks now.

10 weeks in...

2010-02-06T14:24:00.000-08:00

It's now been 10 weeks, plus a few days, since H. was born, and surprisingly, everything is going a heck of a lot better than I anticipated... except one thing. He still isn't sleeping through the night on a regular basis. He seriously taunts me by going 6 or 7 hours between feedings one night, then needing 4 hour feedings the next night. Last night was 8 magnificent hours between feedings, so I'm sure tonight will have at least 3 feedings.

But, he was awake for quite a bit of the day today, so hopefully he's going to sleep for most of the night.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

The things we do

2010-02-02T08:10:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been contemplating all the things that moms do for their babies, before and after birth.

I know a lot of women who are either pregnant for the first time, or have recently had their first baby, and the one thing all of them have said is, it's life-changing... literally.

Every newly pregnant woman learns new things about what their body can, and is, doing. It's truly a miracle when you learn exactly what your body knows instinctively to do. And as your baby grows, its amazing to feel them kick, and to start learning about your new child.

As pregnant women we give up so many thing to make sure our babies grow healthy and strong. Some women give up their favourite foods, some their favourite activities, and the majority of first time moms give up their lifestyle.

All of a sudden, even for the most selfless women, their life suddenly shifts to be all about the little person growing in their belly. What they need becomes more important than what you want. I know that I felt like an alien was taking over my body (and in a way, it kind of was).

For me, everything changed when I became pregnant... I couldn't watch TV without crying, I couldn't ride in any moving vehicle without being nauseous, I became self-conscious about my body... but on the plus side, I became a different person altogether... I became more outgoing (when you're pregnant, or a new mom, suddenly everyone has questions and advice for you) and less selfish, and as my pregnancy wore on, I became more happy with my body, and the biggest change was, for once, I was truly happy.

And as women, we go through so much to bring our babies safely into this world. For some it means hours, even days, of painful contractions... for others, it means major surgery. In regards to labour and birth, I had it pretty easy, but I know some other women did not. And still, we know that it's what is needed. For almost 10 months we read and hear horror story after horror story from everyone, including strangers, about what can, and (according to them) will, go wrong.

But when it's all over and done with, and you're holding you're beautiful new baby in your arms, everything changes. 2 new lives are born in that delivery room... your child, and you.

Sleepy Boy

2010-01-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

H. has been sleeping for approximately 18 hours now. Except for a few minutes to feed every few hours. So, in total, about 2 hours.

What a sick, tired little boy.

Sir Grumps-alot

2010-01-28T17:19:00.000-08:00

H. has bee very grumpy since his shots almost 2 days ago. He's usually very happy and easy to please, but the last little while has been pretty terrible. He's cranky and cries for about an hour at a time. And getting him to sleep has been even more of a challenge. Usually he spits his soother out once or twice and then falls fast asleep, withing half an hour... lately it's taken half a dozen soother replacements, and upwards of an hour. Not fun. At least I get exercise walking from the living room to his crib. Silver lining.

And, to top it off, he developed a nasty cold. Stuffed up nose, slight fever, cough... the works. So, when he sleeps on his tummy (which is the only way he sleeps), he can't breathe. So, last night, around 4:30am when he woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, I brought him to bed with me. I tried sitting him up, sort of leaning on the pillow next to me, but he kept falling over. I tried just snuggling him, but he wouldn't fall asleep lying down... so, my ingenuity kicked in. I rolled onto my back (my least favourite way to lie) and leaned him up against my side. When he started to fall to either side, he either got stuck on my hip, or on my ribs. And we slept like that until almost 8.

Oh, the things I do for my son.

First Immunizations Today

2010-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, we took H. for his first round of immunizations today. Which means, 2 giant needles stuck into each of his thighs, one at a time.

First, I had to strip him down to his diaper to check his weight. He's up to 11pounds exactly... which is up almost 4pounds since birth. Which is excellent. Then, they checked his height. He's now 23in. long, which is up 4.5in. from birth. He's in the 90th percentile for height, and the 50th for weight.

Then came the fun part. The needles. I held him in my lap, and the nurse gave him his first one. He cried as soon as the nurse put the needle in his leg. I had just calmed him down when the nurse told me to rotate him so she could give him the next one in his other leg. It was at this point that she told me this was the more painful needle.

So, I rotated him, and she gave him another needle. And he cried. Louder than I have ever heard him cry before. So, I calmed him down once again. And I got him dressed. And we waited in the waiting room for the required 15mins. And I fed him, hoping he'd go to sleep in the car, and be full enough that he'd stay asleep when we got home. He didn't.

So, we got home, I tried snuggling him to sleep, which didn't work. So, I put him in his swing, and he giggled and laughed and talked in it for about half an hour. When he got fussy, I held him. He felt a little bit warm, so I checked his temperature to see if he had a fever (the doctor warned me that he could get one). He was fine. I tried to feed him a little bit more, but he wouldn't take anything but his soother. So, I held him, and he cried himself to sleep.

I put him down, and he was quiet for an hour or so, and now he's awake again.

Poor Baby

2010-01-24T16:40:00.000-08:00

Lately, H. has been sleeping very well indeed. Almost through the night, in fact.

But not last night... for some reason, H. could not sleep. From 8pm to 8am, he had maybe 3 hours of sleep... and it wasn't good REM sleep. So he was grumpy. I managed to get him to sleep for about half an hour at church, but he woke up. He did fall asleep at lunch, and stayed asleep all through the car ride home, and stayed asleep during the transfer from car seat to crib (which rarely happens). And he slept for a few hours.

But when he woke up, he was some grumpy. He did eat, and he did complain while doing it. Poor baby fell right asleep after, and barely made a peep in his crib.

Poor baby. Fell asleep right in my arms, and stayed asleep.

I'm not ready for this!

2010-01-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Today, I took some clothes of H.'s to be consigned. Which is good, I'll make money to buy him new clothes... but on the other hand, it means he got so big that he grew out of some things. Which is incredibly sad.

Of course, there were a few things that don't fit him that I just can't part with. Like the blue and brown sleeper he wore in the hospital (his first piece of clothing). Or his little hat that he first wore, with the tiger and lion on the front.

And come to think of it, there are a lot of items I don't think I can easily part with... I'm kind of a pack rat, I guess.

Oh no...

2010-01-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

I think my two month old son may be starting to teethe. Except for the terrible two's, this is the bane of any new parents' existence.

He has been drooling a whole lot lately, which is very uncommon. He's also been spitting up a lot. Usually he doesn't spit up, ever, and when he does it's just a tiny little bit. But for the past week or so, it's been a few times a day, and quite a bit of it.

When I was at my favourite baby boutique the other day, my mother pointed out a hazelwood necklace, which is supposed to breakdown the enzymes that cause all the symptoms of teething (drooling, fussiness, and the pain to some extent). And they are cute, too.

Well, we bought one for H., and within about 12 hours his drooling was getting better (just the normal, non-teething baby drool). His spitting up is still a little better than the last few days, but still worse than usual.

I'm hoping when his teeth actually start to cut, this amazing necklace will still be helping!

P.J. Funnybunny was a very unhappy bunny...

2010-01-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

I love reading to my son. And at almost 8 weeks old, he likes it only when he's well fed and rested.

For Christmas, from Grandma, he got two volumes of the Big Book of Beginner Books, by Dr. Suess. Including such favourites as Go Dog, Go, Put Me In the Zoo, and my new favourite, It's Not Easy Being a Bunny.

While reading the bunny story today, I realized something... I have one heck of a moose call. And I was not the least bit embarrassed doing it in front of anyone (namely my mother, who will invariably laugh at me if I do something silly).

That was the very moment that I first thought to myself I'm a mom now!

I didn't want to wake him up

2010-01-17T17:42:00.000-08:00

My mom has been suggesting (not so subtlety) to me for quite a number of days now to get H. onto a schedule. She figures that if he goes to bed for the night at 7:30 or so, that is acceptable. As I was making dinner today (for the record, it was parmesan chicken, and it was delicious), she said I should wake him up to feed him so he could fall asleep for the night. Well, I went into the nursery and turned the light on, and my little boy looked so freakin' cute sleeping, with his little mouth hanging open, snoring quietly, that I really, really, really did not want to wake him up. But, I did. And he still looked cute... for about 37 seconds, until he started screaming. Apparently my son likes to sleep as much as I do, and hates interruptions to it as much as I do.

It's payback. He's been waking me up for weeks now. Kidding.

Chubby Bum

2010-01-16T12:57:00.000-08:00

The longer I use cloth diapers, the more clear one more fact is becoming.... cloth diapers are a lot bigger than disposable diapers. I mean, H.'s pants don't fit, at least not the ones that fit when he was wearing disposables.

It's a good thing I'm a little bit of a shopaholic, or else this would be terrible, and my kid would have no pants!

Cloth Diapering

2010-01-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

I have now been using cloth diapers exclusively for 2 days... and it's awesome. But as I do this, one thing is becoming very clear... I have a much higher tolerance for bodily functions than I ever thought possible.

And H. seems to enjoy it too. He doesn't cry during diaper changes like he did with the disposable diapers, and the little tiny bit of diaper rash he had has all but disappeared (I can't attribute that solely to the new diapers though, we were using some diaper rash balm... but it did go away, not get worse). We have had a few poopy diapers, which was a learning experience of sorts. I quickly remembered to start putting the diaper liners in.

And I laundered my first load of dirty cloth diapers today. They are now folded and ready to go back into the drawer reserved especially for cloth diapers. And I surprised myself by not having any sort of problem taking them out of the pail bag, and putting them in the washing machine.

So, all in all, cloth diapering is WAY easier than I ever expected (I'm a pessimist by nature), and is something I really see myself continuing for a long time.

What a great day!

2010-01-13T13:25:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I love shopping. Like, a lot. I bought a new sling today, which is bright orange, which pretty much rocks. And it's a pouch sling, which means it's a lot easier to get in and out of than my Moby wrap (which is essentially 5 meters of fabric that you wrap around yourself, then tie in a knot).

Also, today was the first day where we have used our cloth diapers, to great success. Before when we used them, they leaked around the legs and waist because my son is incredibly long and slender. But today we only had one minor leak, and he didn't seem to worried by it. And he looks so cute in them. I am very excited by this!

And lastly, not to jinx it, but last night H. slept from midnight to 7am... that's the longest he's ever slept at once, by at least 2 hours. And after he woke up at 7, he ate 4.5oz, then fell back asleep at 7:30, and slept for 45 minutes. I am excited by this, and I sincerely hope it lasts.

And then, to make things even better, one of my good friends who recently moved away stopped in for a surprise visit.

I don't thing today could have been even better.

Laundry Day

2010-01-12T16:50:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is the unofficial laundry day at our house, with another load or two being done on Friday or so. Which means, Tuesdays suck.

It start by gathering it all up from the 3 hampers and baskets scattered all over the house (which is more difficult than it sounds by the fact that 2 of those move on a regular basis), then sorting it into 4 different loads (lights, darks, blankets and towels, and cloth diapers). Then I have to head out to the garage (down the treacherous stairs inside, out the door, and down more stairs) to put it into the washer, then go back out to change it. I have the joyous job of doing this numerous times a week, summer and winter, all year round.

Doing all that is the easy part. It's when the washer is done and I have to sort what goes in the dryer and what needs to be hung up by the fire to dry. And then I get to hang it, and fold it, then put it away.

All this takes hours, pretty much all day depending on when I start... which used to be as soon as I got up, but now I have a baby to worry about too, and now the all day laundry job takes even longer (now I have to do more in the morning). And there is even more laundry, what with the baby peeing through diapers and spitting up on everyone, including himself, and in his bed.

All this to say, I hate Tuesdays.

Fighting Sleep

2010-01-12T11:37:00.000-08:00

Lately, the past few days, it's been a fight to get H. to sleep during the day. At night, no problems, but during the day he's fighting the tiredness that's overwhelming him.

Right now, as of this very moment, H. has been awake for 6 of the last 6.5 hours... and not for my (and his) lack of trying... I've done everything that usually works... rocking him, feeding him, snuggling him, letting him lie in his crib watching his mobile, letting him kick his feet on his play mat... nothing. He's still awake, getting progressively grumpier.

At least for now he's quiet, sitting in his swing. Knowing my luck, that won't last too long.

Oh my!

2010-01-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I had mentioned this before, but my son is VERY stubborn.

He has taken to not sleeping during the day, which I would be ok with, if not for the fact that he becomes very crotchety at around 6pm. And at that time, nothing can stop his crying for more than a few seconds. We've had 3 days like this, and I really don't know how much longer I can handle that! It takes hours to calm him down, and to get enough food into him to get him full enough to sleep.

It's noon now, and he's been asleep for about 15 minutes now... which makes about 45 minutes of sleep since 7:30am. I hope it lasts this time.

Until he wakes up, I have tonnes to do... there are dishes that have been calling my name for days now, that absolutely need to be put in the dishwasher... there are some cloth diapers soaking in a tub in the bathroom that need to be lugged downstairs to put hung up by the fire to dry... and as in any home with a newborn, there is a pile of laundry that needs to be dealt with (and buying new clothes to replace the dirty ones is no longer an option).

Busy, busy, busy... but I'll only have to do all of that if H. sleeps... I can't decide if I want him awake or not!

Burp, then sleep.

2010-01-10T04:17:00.000-08:00

Anyone who meets my son, whether he is asleep or awake, is always astounded at how noisy he is. He makes the most unnecessary noises, all the time... he moans when he's eating, snores when he's sleeping, and "talks" when he's awake. And he makes boy noises too... groans (loudly) when he's working on a poop, laughs after said poop, and burps as loud as any adult I know.

A few hours ago when I did his 3am feeding, he was falling asleep while eating, so I quickly burped him, rather successfully, if you catch my drift, and put him down in his crib. He still had his eyes closed, so I thought he would just get comfortable and fall right asleep. 10 minutes later, I'm still sitting beside his crib, waiting for him to stop fidgeting. It's pretty unusual for him to move around so much without making any crying noises as he's falling asleep. So, I got up to check to make sure everything was alright, and to see if his eyes were still closed. As I was approaching the crib, H. lets out one of the hugest belches I have ever heard from him... and then sighs in relief and promptly falls right to sleep. I love the way he burps himself after I burp him.

9:17!!!

2010-01-09T07:32:00.000-08:00

After numerous days of H. waking up for the day at 7am, he slept today until 9:17! He still had feedings at 2:30am and 6am, but I am excited by this. Or perhaps I just had enough sleep that I'm not grumpy...He is now asleep in my arms.

Oh, I love my son!

A very grumpy H.

2010-01-08T08:23:00.000-08:00

It's now half past 11 in the morning, and in the last 12 hours H. has slept maybe 6 of those. That makes for a very grumpy 6-week old. He's been quiet in his crib for approximately 3 minutes now (a record in the last few hours) and I'm hoping this is it, and he'll sleep for a good few hours. But, like every other time there has been a measure of quiet this morning, he'll most likely spit his soother out, then become inconsolable. Oh joy.

Tanty Staci

2010-01-07T08:56:00.000-08:00

My sister is quite the interesting person, anyone will tell you that... she show up at my house on her days off work to hang out, and lately, to see her nephew.

It's been a while since she saw H. awake and happy (last time she was here, he was grumpy). Since she was last here, he has started smiling and trying to copy different facial expressions. It was so cute watching them together. They must have sat on the couch for 5 minutes just laughing at each other. So cute.

Another cool thing that happened today was H. managed to sleep while we were out. Usually he stays awake, and gets progressively crankier as the day wears on. Now he's just a little cranky, but he's almost asleep.

And I managed to find sunglasses that don't make me look like a bug. And they're purple! I am so amazed. My face shape makes finding sunglasses a challenge, to say the least. But Stace helped me find some, and I am excited for the sun to come out so I can use them. And I have to remember not to sit on them... that fate befell the last pair I owned, almost 8 years ago.

All in all, a good day.

Just one of those days...

2010-01-06T18:41:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of hose days where it seems nothing is going right? That was today for me...

It's now almost 10pm, and since this time yesterday I have had maybe 6 hours of sleep, and I am a girl who needs my sleep. H. decided that he knew better than me, sometime around 5am this morning, and didn't need to go back to sleep... that made H. very grumpy, and mommy very cranky. So, I handed him off to my mom around 7am, after trying desperately to get him to sleep (he got about 20mins), and eat (about half an ounce in an hour and a half). Not good. So not only was I tired and grumpy, but my stubborn son was tired, hungry, and grumpy. After my mom took him, I got about 2 hours of sleep. It would have been more (much, much more), but this morning we had to be up and out of the house at 9am for a bible study.

We were all at church, fed, dressed, and somewhat presentable, at 9:30am, and H. managed to eat another 4oz. (a very large amount for him), and after putting him in my Moby wrap, he fell asleep. He did wake up when I put him in his car seat to leave, around 11am. But, wonderful son that he is, he fell asleep again in the car, and only woke up when we were about to leave the grocery store around 1pm.

We got home, and I fed him, and he had another huge feeding (5.5oz!). Thinking he would go right to sleep, I got my book ready, and snuggled up in my chair by the fire, and wouldn't you know it, somebody didn't go right to sleep. So, another hour, and 2oz more of formula, and he was down (FINALLY!). I managed to check my facebook, and my email, and read a little bit before he woke up for good.

Another 6oz. (where did this appetite come from?), and almost 2 hours later, he was asleep again, and I am writing this. I really don't think I can handle his stubbornness on this much sleep for very much longer. I'm crossing my fingers for him sleeping through the night soon, but with 3-4 hours between feedings right now, I'm not thinking it'll be as soon as I want. And I also kind of wonder where his sudden hatred of going to sleep is. He used to be so good at it. Oh well.

A Little About Me and H.

2010-01-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

I figured, while I have a few minutes, I should write a little about myself. I mean, a blog about mommyhood without a post about my pregnancy and labour and all that, isn't really a blog.

I found out I was pregnant in March of 2009, at the tender age of 18. I was so confused about how I felt... I was happy, and scared, and worried, and nervous. It was a lot to feel at once. Everyone was so happy, and supportive. After a while, I was so happy. Pregnancy seemed to agree with me. Besides a few weeks of some morning sickness, everything went well. My first ultrasound at 18 weeks was perfect, and the tech was able to tell me I was definitely having a little boy, and that he was doing very well so far.

I had a few minor issues, though. At my 26 week ultrasound, the tech noticed I had a shortened cervix, which can sometimes lead to early labour, so I was put on bedrest and categorized as a high-risk pregnancy. I also had to have 3 steroid shots, over a span of 36 hours, to help develop the baby's lungs and heart and muscles in case he was born early. I had to go for ultrasounds every 2 weeks for about 8 weeks. There were no changes to anything, and since nothing else was awry, I was taken out of the high-risk category.

At every doctors appointment, my blood pressure, and the baby's heart rate, were always excellent. Towards the end, my weight gain started to drop, to the point I had lost weight at a few weighings, and my belly seemed very small, which worried my doctor... so now I had to go for something called a non-stress test. That basically means that I had 2 disks strapped around my belly... one to measure my uterine pressure, and one to measure the baby's heart rate to see if he was going into distress when I had Braxton Hicks contractions. All four of these tests I had over a 6 week span (from 34-40 weeks) had great results. And my last ultrasound I had (around a week before I was due) showed that the baby was healthy and very well developed.

Everything over the next week went well... but I had a feeling that I was going to go way past my due date. Four days before I was due, when I saw my doctor, I asked her when I could be induced, and she said I should wait until after my due date before asking about it, because I could go into labour on my own. Well, I didn't. I saw her 3 days after my due date, and my usually low blood pressure was quite high, so she said I was to be induced the next morning when she was on call at the hospital.

After waiting more than 12 hours for my induction time, I headed to the hospital for 10pm, with my sister, and my doula meeting us there. I made it with 3 minutes to spare, and was put into a delivery room right away. My water was broken at 10:30, hoping that would start my labour. It didn't, and I got my IV put in at 11. Towards midnight, I got into the tub to labour in the water instead of taking any pain meds. I stayed in the water for about 5 hours. When I got out, I was told I was 5cm (I had started at 2cm). Deciding that I couldn't handle another 6 hours of the pain, I opted to have an epidural. The anesthesiologist came in around 5:30am, and as he was leaving the doctor came in and after checking, told me I was ready to push. In 15 minutes, I had gone from 5cm to fully dilated.

After about 10 pushes in 2 minutes, my son was born at 5:41 am, weighing almost 8 pounds. It was scary and crazy and absolutely beautiful, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I went in expecting hours and hours and hours of labour, and hours of pushing, but I was pleasantly suprised. One thing I was not prepared for was the pain. With inductions, you go from no labour to heavy contractions in a matter of minutes. It's really intense. I was not expecting that, and I will never again ask to be induced. But me and my son made it through happy and healthy, and that's all I can ask for.

Scary New World

2010-01-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

My son, H., is almost 6 weeks old, and already I can tell so much about him..

he is stubborn (I really can't imagine where he got that...)
he really will have the temperament of a red-head
he is smart
he is strong
and he is possibly the cutest baby around.

And I have the daunting job of almost single-handedly raising this little person, and caring for him, and keeping him safe, and nurturing him, for the next 20 years or so... and if he is anything like me, that won't be an easy job...

In the last 5 weeks (since we have come home from the hospital) I have done more laundry, prepared more bottles, changed more diapers, and tried (usually unsuccessfully) to cease more crying fits, than I ever thought possible before my 20th birthday. But as every new mom will tell you, there will be days where changing your socks and eating will seem like an accomplishment, and sleep is a thing of the past, but when your new baby looks into your face and smiles at you, that all seems worth it.

My goal with this blog isn't to sugar-coat parenthood, or to make it scarier than it is, but to show everyone that mommyhood has its ups and downs, and like everything in life, is all about the journey.